Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I (heart) My OB/GYN

I finally got in for an appointment with the OB who delivered Audrey. I haven't seen her since January 2005 for my last follow-up after Audrey was delivered. She knows my RE and had spoken with him about some of my history with him. I also spoke with her once while we were doing the FET, so she knew most of what has happened in the last year. I've tried to get in several times to see her, but a couple of times she cancelled because she had babies to deliver and then I cancelled once myself. Gosh it was great to see her. I really do love her.

As we spoke about what was up, I cried, she cried. I know she feels our pain with us. I know it hurt her deeply that things went so horribly wrong with Audrey. She showed us her pain at the hospital. She has cried with us and loved Audrey with us on several occasions. I have so much respect for her because she is a doctor who has chosen to feel the pain and emotion her patients feel. So many doctors choose to harden themselves to spare their hearts from the hurt that sometimes comes when you are in the medical field. The OB who delivered Gracie was one of those. He was an excellent doctor (I've even seen him on Discovery Health a time or two).

She spent over an hour with me. I know she was behind for the day and I know there was a woman on her way to the hospital ready to deliver and she still took the time to be with me and help me wade through some of my own emotion. It was wonderful. I left feeling exhausted and emotionally spent, but it was a good thing. Her genuine care and concern and desire for us to have a baby, alive and well, at home with us, was so very clear.

She did my annual and then we discussed the "less invasive" means of fertility treatment that she was able to help us with. I knew it would be clomid and she didn't surprise me by offering it. She expressed her concern with my history of ectopic pregnancy (normally you have a 7% chance of having a tubal pregnancy, that rate jumps to 15% after you actually have one).

I left with a two month prescription for clomid. 50 mg on days 5-9 for the first month and 100 mg for days 5-9 in the second month. She gave me lab slips for pregnancy tests at the lab should I get the feeling that I'm pregnant or should I get a positive HPT. She said she needs to monitor my progress from the get go to make sure we can catch another ectopic before surgery is required.

She also mentioned her concern about my "demeanor" while I was with her. She said not to be ashamed if I feel like I need to come back and discuss any depression or anxiety I may be feeling. I can't tell you all what a relief that was to hear. I don't think I need medication for depression, but it's so nice to hear that she understands where I am.

For the first time in months, I feel a little bit of a load is off. I feel like things will be okay because I have someone on my side who actually gives a shit and feels invested in the outcome. As I left, she said she was going to label my visits in the future as whatever it took to get my insurance to pay for it. She said she felt like she owed us her best effort to make this happen. As I left, she and her nurse (Nurse's name is Gracie...Good omen?) have me a hug and wished me twins.

I feel so much lighter today...


  • At 11:03 AM , Blogger Catherine said...

    I'm so glad you've found someone to help you through. {{{hugs}}}

  • At 11:23 AM , Blogger Laura said...

    That is wonderful that you have such a great OB--they should all be like that. (I'm lucky to have a great one, too.) I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you about the clomid, and wishing you twins, too!

  • At 1:50 PM , Blogger formerteacher said...

    What a wonderful doctor! I'm so glad that you have her in your corner, and that you are feeling better.

  • At 3:42 PM , Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

    About three years ago my OB lost her husband and daughter in a freak accident while on vacation in Hawaii - they were swept over a waterfall in a flash flood while she and her son looked on. I feel so ashamed crying in front of her, because she has the pictures of them on her desk surrounded by seashells, and even though she's compassionate I know that nothing can compare with seeing your child and partner swept out to sea (all they found was her daughter's bathing suit) before your eyes. That said, I'm so happy your OB is open with you and encourages you to feel and express what you do.

  • At 5:29 PM , Blogger pithydithy said...

    I heart your ob. And that's saying a lot-- I've got doctor issues, lol.

  • At 7:24 PM , Blogger EmilyRoseJewel said...

    That is so wonderful to have a great ob/gyn like her! Here is hoping for good news for you soon. I know that must be difficult.

  • At 6:18 AM , Blogger R said...

    Hey - how wonderful. Have yout hought about writing your doctor a letter, thanking her? I'm sure they don't get too many thank you notes from patients. It would probably make her day, as well as being cathartic for you.


  • At 8:10 PM , Blogger kati said...

    That's great that you feel so good about your OB/GYN! I don't feel the same about my own, I wish i did. I actually need to find a new one, someone who seems more compassionate.


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