Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Monday, January 07, 2008


I am stuck. Totally bedridden and useless. My husband (God love him) has had his way with the house for 4 days and even my own mother won't tell me how bad the downstairs looks. My imagination runs wild. It cannot be good.

Thanks for your well-wishes. I hope at some point I am less useless and more mobile. I hope that I will get better on these damn crutches and able to negotiate my way further than the bathroom.

Natalie is less than interested in nursing since having had a bottle of formula (they have me narcotics at the hospital and I had no stored milk, so the kid had to eat). She's never been a baby who nursed for comfort. She's always been in it to get the job done and move on. Now, she's figured out that there is a way to get it much faster and that formula is more satisfying. My supply is already suffering and I am historically a shitty pumper. We may be done nursing and while part of me is okay with that as long as she's happy and well, another part of me is so very sad. Feeding my babies has always been something that I have selfishly not shared. I hate that we might be finished.

My mood isn't all as bad as this post makes it out to be. My mom is keeping my spirits up; it's always so good to have her here. I wish the circumstances were more fun.

I go back in tomorrow because I think I have a oressure sore developing inside my cast. I hope that will make the need for another visit on Wednesday null. We'll see. I don't think I'll need surgery. I think things are as good in there as they are going to get. I want to get this show on the road and get the healing done so I can move past this. I keep saying that 12 weeks is only one trimester and that was once such a drop in the bucket...



  • At 4:57 AM , Blogger pithydithy said...

    Oh, hon, I can't even imagine. I'm banging my head against the wall in frustration for you. (Well, not really. But it's the thought that counts, right?) Hugs.

  • At 8:07 AM , Blogger kate said...

    i'm glad your mom is there...and sorry about the bedridden nastiness and the nursing. My boys are not really comfort nursers either (except at 4 am, ha ha) so it is a struggle with the b/f. I have found that i am doing better with the pumping, though. It took a little while to ramp up the supply but now i am feeling like less of a loser. I do not mean to imply that people who don't nurse are losers! In fact i say, thank God formula exists. But it does make me feel like a loser when i want to feed the boys breastmilk & i have to feed them formula instead.

  • At 9:59 AM , Blogger Ruby said...

    I am so sorry! I'm glad your mom can be there. It's terrible to not be able to get around (I can barely get around myself.) A remote is an unwelcome friend;)

  • At 2:50 PM , Blogger JMB said...

    My vote is to try to pump, and cut yourself some slack if it isn't enough to cover everything right away. It takes your body a while to get used to pumping, just because the stimulation is different. One thing that I found helpful in avoiding the whole "but the bottle is easier to eat!" routine was to use the slowest flow nipples that could find on the bottles. I use Avent and the size 1's are very slow and close to me. We've never had an issue with a preference, and both of my kids started with bottles at five weeks or earlier.

    Hope that you continue to mend and don't push too hard too soon. As with all things, the mess will still be there whether you get to it today or next week (plus it gives hubby and Mom a little longer to gain control over it!)

  • At 11:06 AM , Blogger Rachel said...

    I hope you get better soon!


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