Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Numb

I wish we hadn't been so fucking stupid as to tell so many damn people already. The holidays suck ass. All this happy shit everywhere.

I need the bleeding to start so I can feel like this is really happening. Right now I'm still having dillusions that it could still be a hideous mistake. Get on with it already.

I don't really know what I feel right now. Mostly pissed off with occasional touches of hurt and pain. You guys have all been so sweet. Thanks for your entries and well wishes.

I'm trying to remember to be grateful for what I do have and not be so pissed about what keeps getting taken from me. It's a really hard thing to do. I think I'm not doing a very good job of it right now. In fact, I'd venture to guess that I'm not doing anything well right now. I'm not being a good wife, mother or employee if the truth were told.

Fucking hell.

12 Comments:

  • At 12:17 PM , Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

    Michelle, you are entitled to be angry, frustrated or to feel like you are rightfully ungrateful. A horrible thing has happened to you on the heels of another horrible thing.

    I hope the awful things end soon.

     
  • At 12:59 PM , Blogger Jill said...

    Cut yourself some slack - we would all hate you if you were perfect all the time;) A bad thing is happening to you so allow the anger and hurt to come. Tend to your wounds then worry about your family. Your husband can look after himself and Gracie for a few days while you get yourself on a more even keel. You don't HAVE to 'soldier on' ok?

    (((hugs)))

     
  • At 1:25 PM , Blogger Julie said...

    You have every right to be pissed off. Michelle, you don't deserve this at all. Give yourself some time. You dont have to be Supermom/ wife right now. You are in my thoughts. ((((((((hugs)))))))

     
  • At 1:36 PM , Anonymous Michelle A said...

    I really want to call you, but I don't know if it's appropriate or if you are ready to talk. I just want to cry with you and scream with you and tell you how unfair this all is.

    You are on my heart, sweetie and I am always here for you.

     
  • At 2:33 PM , Blogger KB said...

    You know it's okay to take time for yourself, right? It's okay to be angry - with everyone and everything.

    Wish I could do something to help you through this. It sucks.

    Wanna come to OK?

     
  • At 3:08 PM , Blogger Anam Cara said...

    Oh Michelle, I am so sorry. You have every right to be angry, depressed and pissed off. It fucking sucks, and esp. at this time of year. Ugh. Thinking of you and sending big (((hugs)))xoxoxo

     
  • At 3:37 PM , Blogger gabesmama said...

    I'm sorry. Why oh why must we suffer and suffer? I'm thinking about you. Hug.

     
  • At 4:31 PM , Anonymous Meredith C said...

    You shouldn't be anything right now, for a while, but as good to yourself as you can. This totally sucks. I wish that I could make it better. I wish that I had some explanation or some help. I wish....

     
  • At 7:22 PM , Blogger Catherine said...

    You're a great wife and mother and worker and everything else. You've been knocked on your ass...a couple times now. It's ok to take a minute and take care of your broken heart.

     
  • At 7:33 PM , Blogger msfitzita said...

    Oh God. I'm so sorry. I will never, ever understand why it's so hard for some of us, but I'll pray that it gets easier for you very, very, very soon. A million ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

     
  • At 4:47 AM , Blogger Lisa P. said...

    Michelle, I came over from Catherine's blog. I'd never come over to your site more than once or twice for some reason, and I don't know why.

    But I wanted to say how sorry I am that this is happening.

     
  • At 6:30 PM , Blogger vixanne wigg said...

    I'm so sorry. :( I was so happy for you. It's so not fair.

     

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