Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Slip(s) of the Tongue

I keep saying "Audrey" when I'm really referring to "Natalie". I do it when I talk about her room and when I talk about her. I keep catching myself. It makes me feel guilty. Guilty for the obvious reason; they are not the same and should have their own identity. But, also guilty because it's not fair to either of them.

I know most mothers do this when they are yelling for their kids. You say "Billy" when you mean "Bobby" and get them confused when you're flustered. I get that. My grandmother used to get upset with my brother and call him by my dad's name. It used to make me laugh. I know Jim's mom used to run through all four boys' names until she got to the right one. Hell, I bet Momma Duggar does it hourly.

This feels different. This feels like I am slighting both of them. Like the whole "replacement child" thing that bugs me so much. I know one is not a replacement for the other, but it sure does sound like that when I confuse them.

The contractions continue. I almost don't notice them a lot of the time. I suppose I should consider at least packing my hospital bag, but I haven't done much more than consider it. The OB did say at one point that if we got to this point and things started to get sketchy (cervical change or a decrease in fetal movement) that there would be no chances taken. At this point, she'd be safer out here then she would in there if the wheels started to fall off the wagon. I guess we'll see at the NST tomorrow. Maybe that bag will get packed on Thursday.

Gracie starts school tomorrow. She's sooo excited. We did go buy school clothes, but not a lot she can wear while it's still warm. I put her in for 3 days a week, but she informed me she doesn't want days off. She wants to go everyday. I might bump her to 4 days and keep her out on Fridays. We'll see how this week goes I guess. I'm so lucky that she loves it so much. She's such a good girl.

Oh! She gets to be in her first horse show on the 23rd! I'll still be in the hospital and I'm so bummed I'll miss it, but daddy's going to take her. I'm excited that amid all the baby excitement that she'll have something just for her that daddy gets to take her to. Doubly special. I hope she wins a ribbon! She got to trot for the first time yesterday and you'd have thought she won the lottery just doing that. Ah, the excitement of youth, eh?!

Hey, guess what? Still nothing on the Vegas house. We sure would like the idiots on TV to quit talking so negatively about the prospects for the real estate market. It'd be really great if Bernanke does lower those interest rates. I'd love to get out from under that. We've been sitting on it almost a year now. It sucks.


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