Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Monday, February 21, 2005

It's a Gamble

I think today is going to be my most fertile day. Jim is going out of town in 4 hours. I think we may have missed our window unless what we did yesterday has some effect. I guess we'll see.

I'm swearing off the OPK's. I haven't had great luck with the temps either. If this month isn't it, then I think I might try a fetility monitor, but I really don't know. I hate feeling like I have to "try" this hard. It's weird, it's like a mission. I've never felt this kind of urgency before and I don't know if I can even explain it. I suppose it's normal not to understand all of my own emotions. I don't know. Maybe today's just a downer day.

I thought maybe I was bummed that Jim was leaving for a couple of days, but I don't think that's it. Honestly, I'm ready for a little bit of quiet time. I've been so cranky today that I think maybe it's good if he leaves. Less opportunity for me to be mean to him for no reason.

I'm starving. It's almost one and I haven't eated anything. Jim & I are supposed to go have lunch before he leaves, but he can't get his collective shit together so we can go. He's driving me nuts. He knows we're in a hurry and he just can't manage his time for crap. He always does this. We'll be walking out the door and I'll say go grab Gracie a cup of apple juice. I'll wait... Come inside and he's emptying the dishwasher. WTF? I know he's trying to be helpful, but his timing usually sucks. Today he decided to cut his toenails. Sheesh. I'm still waiting... Maybe I'm just cranky because I'm so damn hungry. HURRY UP!!!

Waiting...

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