CD1...Onward and Upward

Well, she's here. It's CD1. I go see Dr. Baby Maker tomorrow for all the baseline stuff and to get the labwork done for the study. I guess they keep all IVF patients on the same schedule, they do them every 6-8 weeks. I missed the window for the current cycle. Mine won't start until October 28-30. That means transfer would be the first part of the second week of November. Where has the time gone? I wish we didn't have to wait so long.

Wow, almost a year to the day of Audrey's due date.

Audrey's first birthday is next week. Friday the 16th. I can't believe it's been a year. I wonder how Friday will go for me. All next week I will be thinking about what I was doing the year before. I know when I remember feeling the last kick. What I was doing in the days leading up to her birthday and what I was doing the day she was born. I remember all of it with a clarity that breaks my heart so badly I just want to throw up.

As her birthday approaches, I am getting more and more emotional. I feel myself having a shorter temper, I feel the tears well up more easily and I find myself being very irritable.

I think I'm learning the hard way (again) that just when you think you have it licked and you can deal with the hurt and the anger, something happens to bring it all rushing back. I guess that is how life will be from now on. Just when I think I'm okay...I'm not.