Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

What I should be doing is paying bills.

Today's payday, why not go ahead and get broke, huh?

My poor darling Gracie has been a pill for a few days. Her world is a mess. Mommy's working all day, Daddy's been gone for ages and Grammie & Papa went home to survey the wreckage. Tough week for a two-year old. Oh, and she has to sleep in her bed. So she lets us know by having two pee accidents for B and a poop for me. She's been potty trained for ages, I guess she's just still too little to tell us she's upset.

I was mad at first after the poo. I got us both in the shower, both of us crying our eyes out, and cleaned us up. We crawled right in to bed and cuddled for a bit. In bed at 7:00 and asleep by 8:00. We must have both needed it.

She and I are going to make cupcakes for Audrey tonight. We are going to the park tomorrow to have them and send off our balloons. I went to playgroup this morning in an effort to spend a little more quality time with Gracie. It was nice. No one there really knows what tomorrow is. I had just joined the group when Audrey was born, so it's not common knowledge. After I left, B told them. She told them we were going to the park and sending off the balloons. I think she thought I would be mad, but they all asked to join us. I'm not sure who I love more; her for telling them, or the girls for wanting to come.

So, tomorrow Jim & I are off from work. We plan to have our day and then B & K and I are going out for drinks. Saturday is B's birthday (last year I had to call her on her birthday morning and tell her Audrey was gone...Happy freaking birthday).

So, today is the one year anniversary of the last time I remember feeling my daughter move. It was one strong stretch that gave me a jab in my left side. I wish there had been many more after that.

C'mon Saturday.


  • At 4:31 PM , Blogger Kate said...


    I just wanted to tell you how brave I think you are. You've been through so much in the last year. I surely would have lost it.

  • At 4:57 PM , Blogger Valerie said...

    I just want you to know I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Hugs to you.

  • At 7:17 PM , Blogger Catherine said...

    I've been thinking of you all week and I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Short of having your baby with you, cupcakes and balloons sound perfect.

  • At 8:07 PM , Blogger vixanne wigg said...

    I'm so sorry. It seems like this is a really emotional time for you. It does not seem fair that you've been through so much. I so hope that this year is much brighter than last year.

  • At 12:25 AM , Anonymous erin said...

    I just wanted to stop in... I remember this time last year like it was yesterday. I'm glad that you guys are going to go to the park to do those things in honor of Audrey. I hope that the one year birthday/anniversary will also signify that the worst is over for you, and I hope it gets easier from here. I know it's been the worst year of your life and I'm sorry. Not much else to say except I'll be thinking about you and your family all day and I really hope things are ok and that the day is easier than you feared.
    Love, Erin

  • At 2:52 AM , Blogger Julie said...

    Thinking of you and your family today. {{{hugs}}}

  • At 4:43 AM , Anonymous Anissa said...

    I am thinking of you today and hope that you and your family are all doing ok. Call me if you need to talk.

  • At 5:33 AM , Anonymous KB said...

    It brought tears when I read the playgroup is joining you! How wonderful!! And how sweet of B to mention it! Tell Gracie no pees for a day or two as a thank you, huh?

    Happy Birthday Audrey! You sure touched a lot of lives!!

    Sending lots of hugs your way. And I'll be having virtual drinks with you guys tonight - in spirit if not physically!

  • At 6:58 AM , Blogger Jill said...

    It's 5 to midnight here on Friday and Audrey's birthday is nearly over where I am:(

    I've been thinking of you guys and will send up my own Happy Birthday to Audrey as I go to sleep in a few minutes. Take care ((hugs))


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