Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Somebody Stop Me

I've spent my morning (at work, of course) cruising Old Navy's website looking at Maternity clothes and digging out the old due date calculator web site. If I use the transfer date as my conception date, my due date is July 30...my parents' anniversary.

Is it safe to let myself do this? What if it works? What if it doesn't? Where does it leave us?

I can't spend the next year of my life trying IVF and other fertility treatments. We have the option to freeze any emryos that are not transferred. It's $1200 if we pay it up front. If the IVF doesn't work we can try a FET (frozen emrbryo transfer). If those efforts fail, I think I'm done. I can't do this forever.

Jim & I have said that we want to take a trip to Italy, but that we wanted to wait until the kids are around 5. If the next couple of months yeild no pregnancy, then I think we are going to plan that trip to Italy. I just feel the need to have a back up plan.

I want the IVF to work so badly, but in the back of my mind I know that the chances are still not even 50-50 that it will work. You have a 25% chnace every month of getting pregnant. With IVF, your chances are only 40% better than that. I know as many people who have had luck as I do who have not. Those odds scare me.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but at the same time, I have to have hope. How the hell does that work??

4 Comments:

  • At 10:55 AM , Anonymous KB said...

    THINK POSITIVE!!! It's going to work. I refuse to believe otherwise. And when it works, and you postpone the Italy trip (hey, I wanna come!!), there's a great Italian place here.... we could just PRETEND!

     
  • At 11:29 AM , Blogger Kathy McC said...

    It's great that you're doing that...I know it's scary as hell, but it does show how much hope you really have, and that is a wonderful thing. I tried to put so much off for so long because I was afraid of jinxing myself, and now I am starting to feel as if I missed out a bit. I was trying way too hard to protect myself from being hurt again...Italy sounds great by the way.

     
  • At 12:18 PM , Blogger Sarah said...

    I think its ok to start planning and getting excited about the "ifs". I find myself doing that even though I don't know when exactly we will ttc... i've already estimated due dates depending on when it happens and thought about how i'll hopefully need to buy summer maternity clothes since i didn't need them this time...

     
  • At 7:00 AM , Blogger Catherine said...

    Hope is a good thing. Scary as all heck...but still a good thing.

     

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