Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Wait just a minute.

Catherine and Angela-

All I was doing was venting a little frustration at my current situation. I am not the kind of parent I pictured myself being. I am not able to go with Gracie to My Gym. But, I also don't let her eat candy in the middle of the night, or talk back or any of the other hundred things I said I wouldn't do as a parent.

No one is right. I would love to be home with my daughter. I'm frustrated that it's just not possible right now.

We all make choices. I could not sacrifice and live with my parents to make that happen. Angela, more power to you if you made staying home that kind of a priority. That's just not something I'm willing to do. I respect your choice and your right to choose. Thank you for your support. I appreciate you reading and caring enough to comment.

Damn Catherine. Remind me not to piss you off. Or, have I done that already? I'm sort of confused by your last comment. I hope I can read between the lines a little and know that it wasn't directed at me, but maybe you can clarify for me. You've been a wonderful support to so many of us bloggers. I hope I haven't lost that and I hope I bring a little support and comfort to you as well.

Can't we all just get along? that was humor, insert laugh here

I certainly value everyone's opinion and hope that my post didn't get everyone's panties in a bunch. I know that the "to work, or not to work" debate is ongoing and quite volatile, but it is also very personal. Mine has only to do with my experience as a child and my experience alone. I do realize that there are moms out there who are better moms because they work. I have certainly thought at times that I was one of them. There are days that I have been home and thought, I'm really not doing much good here today. If I had the flexibility in my job to go to functions for my daughter, to be there for her in the way my parents could not, I would certainly feel very different about being home. I would likely choose working and participate as much as I could.

Maybe my biggest problem with my current situation is that it's not perfect and I don't have a choice. I can just walk away from my job. I need it. My problem is striking a balance somewhere. I just haven't managed that yet.


  • At 4:51 PM , Blogger Catherine said...

    I'm sorry.

  • At 5:38 PM , Anonymous Meredith C said...

    To me, a non-mothering career woman, your post simply smacked of all of hte angst that I feel as a modern woman-- and I don't even HAVE a child yet! It is just so difficult to figure it all out and to make decisions that are good for everyone. I know that you have done that, but that it will also be difficult at times and I hope that you will continue to write about. I know that other women have made different, but equally right choices. I just hope that we can all figure out how to talk about it since such is what makes the womanly world go round. So, anyway, as always, I'm sending all my support and love.

  • At 6:17 PM , Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

    Gosh... I missed all the drama, excitement, whatever.

    An aside... My SIL allows her kids to eat candy in the middle of the night, talk back and all those other things on the 'don't' list. I trust everyone reading this isn't having their parents raise their kids, either...

  • At 6:35 AM , Anonymous KB said...

    No candy in the middle of the night, huh? Meanie.

  • At 8:02 AM , Anonymous Anissa said...

    I read your post on having to work and I so understand where you are coming from. I always said when I was younger that I would not work once I had children. But sadly that is not the case. I have some days when I just feel so bad about having to go to work and not staying home with Kirstin. Tom and I are trying to at least find away that I can go down to part time work. But I do have one thing to be happy about is that she does not go one of those huge day cares where the pay no attention to your child. She gets a lot of one on one attention. So that does make things a little bit easier and the fact that she is at least staying with family during the day.

  • At 6:55 PM , Blogger vixanne wigg said...

    Soooo many women work today, whether out of necessity or personal choice. I don't think you need to feel guilty about it. You do what you have to do. And even if it wasn't out of necessity, it wouldn't be wrong. If you have a career that you love I think it would be wrong to give it up. You'd end up resenting your child.

  • At 9:58 AM , Anonymous Michelle A said...

    Hey girl. I missed so much while I was gone! First, know I am keeping my fingers crossed for a successful transfer on the 6th.

    And I am so sorry you are feeling down about being a working mother. I know how you feel, having had to work with my first two. I missed out on so much and was involved in so little when Emilie was in kindergarten. It broke my heart. But our situation at the time just did not allow for me to stay home. And I had to look at it that I was doing the best for my family that I could do. My income was providing the little extras, my job was providing the insurance to keep my children healthy. I was not working because I wanted to, I was working to keep my family going. There is something to be said about that. Don't feel down about it. Gracie loves you unconditionally. Working or not, she knows who her mama is.



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