Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Monday, January 09, 2006


My mind is all over the board today. Sorry if this entry is jumbled. I'll try to sort all of this out in some sensible manner.

We saw Dr. BM today. Nothing exciting. We see him Thursday for the final follow up of the IVF cycle. If we want to do the FET this cycle he said we can. He said we could do a fresh cycle if we wanted to and then add the frozen one to whatever we get, but I'm just not ready to do all that again. We'll see what's next on Thursday. I think we'll do the FET and see what happens. If that doesn't work, we'll reassess and go from there.

My blood pressure was high. Never had that happen before. I am feeling a little stressed today. Work is a mess. I have this one project that just cannot seem to get done. My boss is not happy about it and frankly, neither am I. It's a job that started the week I lost Audrey and I feel a little like if I could put it behind me then I could close that chapter of my life and move on. I know that sounds strange, but dealing with that project makes me deal with a time in my life that I wish I could just take a step back from.

I start with the therapist tomorrow morning. I am very excited and feel a little like I don't know where to start with her. I have so many things in my brain that I want to deal with that I just really don't know where to begin. I know she'll want to deal with Audrey first. That's what she's been told I'm there for. Am I the only one who's been to a therapist for one thing and end up bringing a whole suitcase? Probably not. I hope she'll know how to sort it all out.

Anyone know how to password protect a blog? Vix, did you move yours to typepad because blogger doesn't have that feature? I feel a little like I have given the address of this site to some people I shouldn't have and I now have to sensor some of my thoughts. I would rather move sites that do that...


  • At 3:36 PM , Anonymous Jessica F (from TLOL) said...

    Good luck with your FET. Our fresh IVF cycle left us with the same outcome as yours. We had a low positive beta that doubled and then stopped doubling. We went on to do a FET 4 months later (we only waited that long because I needed a break) and were successful! Our son is now 2 and we're going to do another FET maybe next month or so. I know the odds are against you (all of us) with FET, but it can be successful and I'm hoping for you it is. Best of luck to you. ~Jessica

  • At 4:02 PM , Anonymous Michelle A said...

    If you have to move, I have a great site for you. If not, I hope I will still be able to read!

  • At 4:59 PM , Blogger Kathy McC said...

    Glad to hear you're starting with the therapist. I think it helps me a I hope you have the same good result. And yes, I found that I totally did a verbal throw-up on her my first few sessions. You'll find there's a lot to talk about. Good luck!

  • At 8:11 PM , Blogger formerteacher said...

    I found A LOT to talk about. The first session is basically your history and what you are having problems with currently. Oh, and lots of forms to fill out. Course, my first visit with my current therapist I was so bad off with PPD that I didn't fill out any forms until the next visit. Yep, good times in my life! My current therapist is awesome. She has really helped me a lot. I think you are definitely doing the right thing. Look at it this way: who else is going to listen to you basically uninterrupted for an hour? Seriously, it does help. Good luck.

    Oh, and I think you're doing the right thing by not putting your body through another fresh cycle so soon. It is so hard on your whole body, as well as your emotions. I'm surprised your RE offered that up to you. Usually, they want you to take at least one cycle off. Well, unless you beg like a friend of mine did. Be good to yourself.

  • At 6:14 AM , Anonymous rach said...

    Move on up to the typepad side! It's only like $4 a month and it's nice to have the option to do that.


    I woudl love to read Vixanne's blog but I think she wants only a few reading. :( Which is her choice, after all!

  • At 2:04 PM , Anonymous Amber said...

    I hope to still be able to follow your journey, should you decide to relocate. I think of you often.


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