This Was Supposed to be the Easy Part
When we lost Audrey and Dr. M said we'd have to wait 6 months to try again, we said okay, fine. Getting pregnant will be the easy part. The pregnancy will be the hard part.
W-R-O-N-G
Boy, maybe it was that very thought that has jinxed us.
AF came this morning. I suddenly had Elton John in my head singing, "The bitch is back..." I bought a fertility monitor. Almost three hundred bucks down the tubes. If it doesn't seem to make sense of my "whacked out chart" (that is a direct quote from KB), then I will be calling Dr. M for drugs. I may be jumping the gun, but if I wait one more month, that puts me at 6 cycles since I went off the pill and 5 cycles of officially trying. More than enough I'd say. I might have a nervous break down if I have to deal with Audrey's birthday and not be pregnant again. Seriously.
Jim asked this morning how I felt about another cycle and I said it sucked and that I was very bummed. He said don't be, but I have to think he's wondering what's up even if he's not saying it. My mom said maybe my hormone bablance is off since my temps are so screwy. I just feel like I can't win.
The girl in our play group who announced she was prengnant last month and had a miscarriage the next day is pregnant again. She can get pregnant twice and I can't seem to do it once. I know I sound whiny and I'm sorry to those of you who read this who have been trying for years, but it's sooo hard. I know you know that. I just wanted you to know that I know that and I'm not trying to lessen your pain by whining about my own.
2 1/2 weeks is too long to be away from home. My house is thrashed. I have suitcases everywhere. The dogs are at the groomer because they reeked from being outside so much. I feel like I've been awake forever. Gracie and I both slept like crap last night. I hope it's better tonight.
I have to be a good wife and cook tonight. Ugh.
Can I go back on vacation yet?
W-R-O-N-G
Boy, maybe it was that very thought that has jinxed us.
AF came this morning. I suddenly had Elton John in my head singing, "The bitch is back..." I bought a fertility monitor. Almost three hundred bucks down the tubes. If it doesn't seem to make sense of my "whacked out chart" (that is a direct quote from KB), then I will be calling Dr. M for drugs. I may be jumping the gun, but if I wait one more month, that puts me at 6 cycles since I went off the pill and 5 cycles of officially trying. More than enough I'd say. I might have a nervous break down if I have to deal with Audrey's birthday and not be pregnant again. Seriously.
Jim asked this morning how I felt about another cycle and I said it sucked and that I was very bummed. He said don't be, but I have to think he's wondering what's up even if he's not saying it. My mom said maybe my hormone bablance is off since my temps are so screwy. I just feel like I can't win.
The girl in our play group who announced she was prengnant last month and had a miscarriage the next day is pregnant again. She can get pregnant twice and I can't seem to do it once. I know I sound whiny and I'm sorry to those of you who read this who have been trying for years, but it's sooo hard. I know you know that. I just wanted you to know that I know that and I'm not trying to lessen your pain by whining about my own.
2 1/2 weeks is too long to be away from home. My house is thrashed. I have suitcases everywhere. The dogs are at the groomer because they reeked from being outside so much. I feel like I've been awake forever. Gracie and I both slept like crap last night. I hope it's better tonight.
I have to be a good wife and cook tonight. Ugh.
Can I go back on vacation yet?
posted by MB @ 1:05 PM
4 Comments:
At 1:32 PM ,
Roxanne said...
I'm so sorry MB. It is just not fair that this is taking so long and is so stressful. I think maybe the monitor is a good idea, especially if it will give you any sense of control.
At 7:00 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I'm hoping the FM will help you out this time. I so look forward to reading that you're finally pregnant...
At 10:11 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Aside from everything you went through losing Audrey, I think the fact that you did get pg so easily the first two times is what makes this so damn hard. Trust me, I know. While I didn't go through the loss you did, I too felt the heartache at not getting pg right away. It sucks. And I would chide myself for being upset when there are other women out there with bigger problems that mine, but you know, that doesn't make *our* hurt any less real, or any less important. It hurts. And it sucks.
But... just remember what I told you yesterday.... cycle 5, baby! This is YOUR MONTH!
And come to OK for another mini-vacation! You drink, I'll laugh, and R can watch the girls.
At 10:13 AM ,
Anonymous said...
I have no idea why that posted as anonymous, but it was me, in case the OK bit didn't clue you in.... ;)
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