My Husband
Jim & I were talking last night about what's next. He said his only concern about all of it that we not go through IUI or IVF and then have another baby die. He actually said "have another demise" which is the medical term the doctors use and I hate it.
He also said that he doesn't want to have that happen and "cause more damage to our marraige". I replied "what??"
He said I'm not the same anymore and he doesn't know if he can deal with more. So, if we lose another child he'll leave? I'm confused and very hurt. I don't know what to say. Of course I'm different, but am I that hard to deal with?
I just don't understand.
He also said that he doesn't want to have that happen and "cause more damage to our marraige". I replied "what??"
He said I'm not the same anymore and he doesn't know if he can deal with more. So, if we lose another child he'll leave? I'm confused and very hurt. I don't know what to say. Of course I'm different, but am I that hard to deal with?
I just don't understand.
posted by MB @ 11:03 AM
4 Comments:
At 12:22 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Uggghh. I know he was trying to be honest, but it's still not exactly what a gal wants to hear. I'm sorry. If he was more enthusiastic about going forward with these other options, I'm sure it would be easier for you. When he's not on board it makes it difficult. :( I think the business side of his brain may be taking over... I'm sure he just misses the way things were before you guys had to much heartache to deal with. Plus he might be pissed that you not getting pregnant has something to do with him too, and this might be his way of trying to deal with that. It all sucks no matter what is causing him to think this way.
At 4:43 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Want me to come out there and hide a few dead rats in his car? ;)
Y'know, I keep reading that finances and the birth of a child are the two hardest things to deal with in a marriage. Nowhere do they talk about losing one because it isn't supposed to happen. That doesn't mean it isn't hard - if you ask me, losing a child should be TOP of that list!!!
If he's not struggling with losing Audrey still he needs his head examined. Maybe there's more going on than he is willing to admit... or face.
At 8:02 PM ,
Roxanne said...
MB, Are you guys in counseling...separately or together? I mean, this kind of loss takes so much out of you...it is really hard for it not to affect a couple. Maybe you guys could talk to someone or sit down together and just hash all of this out. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.
At 5:21 PM ,
laura said...
mb, this is so tough. i hope you can get through it - together. vix is right - counseling together could be really helpful.
i'm not really religious, but i will send positive, hopeful thoughts your way.
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