Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

It's all downhill now. Right?

Started bleeding today. The cramps are tough, but not debilitating yet. Bleeding more than normal, but I'll live. Right?

I'm feeling very bitchy about my husband and my job. I hate my boss right now. He's yelled at me 2 days straight now. I don't respond well to that. I yelled back today. My husband was less than supportive when I told him I almost told the bossman to shove it up his narrow ass. Dh is looking for a new job that would allow us to move and me to quit. As usual, he doesn't push for things the way I would. He waits for things to get done for him or on their own. I'm too much of a control freak to be okay with that. So I push him and he gets pissed. Then, I'm still pissed because he still doesn't get it.

I wish someone (okay, not you guys, I know you would in a second) would hop in here with me and feel what it's like to be me and not just expect that I'm going to keep going as if nothing has happened here. As if I should just be better and not upset about what's happened. I know guys don't "get it". Jim is certainly no exception. He's been trying to help out around the house and be nice to me, but why can he not get it for just a minute?

Is there a tunnel? Is there a way out? I'd give anything to find it. Really.


  • At 5:52 PM , Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

    Yes, you will live. Although going into a coma until this is all over often looks attractive.

    Any idea where you'd like to move? I'm sure someone in the community here can help out with most any given area!

  • At 7:37 PM , Blogger formerteacher said...

    Sorry your husband is being so clueless. Mine didn't get it either, and I really believe people just think women should 'get over it already and move on', but they weren't the ones pregnant. And of course when you've already been through the hell you've been through, it's even worse.

    I wish you some peace soon; some happy ending. Until then, do whatever you need to do to feel better, and do not let anyone make you feel guilty. You've also got some major hormone issues going on right now, that is really hard. I wish I could say something that actually helped, but I know all you really want to hear is that this is all a joke and you are still pregnant. I wish it was just a joke. I know you do too.

  • At 10:28 PM , Blogger Jill said...

    They are behaving like nothing has happened or is happening but you have started to cramp and are literally in the middle of it!

    My GAWD! Even for males, they are being thick. I'm sorry you are surrounded by such a lack of understanding.

  • At 11:15 PM , Anonymous Erin said...

    I think he might get it, only being the man he is doesn't know how to show you he gets it-or-he gets it but is trying to to act like it's not bothering him very much because he doesn't want to make things worse on you by burdening you with his being upset too. Tim does that to me when it comes to minor disasters so maybe that is what Jim is trying to do for you with this major roller coaster of a disaster/ride. Sometimes guys just don't understand that when you are upset it helps to be upset WITH someone else. Half the time Tim and I fight it's just because I want him to get as irrational and upset as I am and when he doesn't, it just makes me feel like the crazy one dealing and worrying about crap on my own. It sounds like Jim is uncomfortable facing these types of things and doesn't quite know how he's supposed to act...but if your telling him, why isn't he being more helpful to you emotionally I wonder?

    Anyway I have no true answers and I haven't been anywhere near what you are going through,so all I can do is stand back and hope that one day you can be happy again and look back at this part of your life and say Damn! That was such a shitty time!! (Instead of saying Damn This IS such a shitty time!)

    I'm thinking of you and I hope this nightmare ends soon.
    Love, Erin

  • At 4:21 AM , Anonymous anissa said...

    Men just don't get it and at least with me I don't think my DH will ever get it. I hope Jim comes around for you. I also will keep my fingers crossed that he finds a really good joe here soon so that you can quit you job. You are always in my thoughts. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.


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