Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Monday, July 17, 2006


It seems like every cycle has a reason that 'it' should be 'the one'. This one should be it because... Because my due date would be Gracie's birthday... Because I'm ovulating on the same day we conceived Audrey... Because my dear friend Meredith ( ) just announced her long awaited pregnancy (and it looks like this one's going to stick!) and we lost babies in September of '04, so this would only make it all okay...


Spot showed today. I was letting myself get all hopeful again. You know, because this should have been it. 'Cept it's not.

I'm so tired of it not being my turn. I'm hurt. Gracie is now asking about baby brothers and sisters. She keeps talking about her sister Audrey in Heaven. She was talking about it yesterday and had both her dad and I in tears at lunch yesterday.

I'm tired of crying because bad stuff happens. I want to cry for something good. I need a good cry. I need the kind that happens because you're happy and relieved and ready to start something new and exciting. I'm sick of being sad and unhappy.

I don't know what's next. I need a break.


  • At 2:01 PM , Blogger pithydithy said...

    Oh, honey, how badly I want it to be your turn too. I know, I know, I know far too well those feelings of being let down month after month. You're right that it should have been this month-- it should have been those other months too. I hate this for you. I am so grateful for your kind words and happiness for me and so sorry that I don't yet have the opportunity to return them. Hugs.

  • At 2:21 PM , Blogger formerteacher said...

    I'm so sorry. This SHOULD have been it, course it should have been it many times before. I don't really understand why you have had to go through so much. Too much.

  • At 2:40 PM , Blogger lauralu said...

    you deserve for every good thing to happen. the dam better break soon and start sending you some happiness.

  • At 7:38 PM , Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

    I'm sorry.

  • At 3:40 AM , Blogger Jill said...

    I'm so sorry hun (((hugs))).

  • At 4:47 AM , Blogger Lisa P. said...

    I've had cycles like those -- 'this is destined to be it!' and am resoundingly disappointed when it isn't. I wish it were different for all of us. (((hugs)))

  • At 6:13 AM , Blogger Michelle said...

    (((hugs))) I'm sorry. Every time I pop in over here, I am hoping for good news. I won't give up! I know I will see it soon!

    P.S. Please come over to mommies from time to time, you are missed. :)

  • At 7:58 AM , Blogger Amy said...

    Sorry this isn't the month for you. It should have been.

  • At 8:15 AM , Blogger Alli said...

    I wish it was your turn again! I do the same thing every month I get a shot at it, though.

    Hope you are feeling better today. I think it is so heartbreakingly sweet that your daughter talks openly about her sister in Heaven.

    Thinking of you!


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