Next

It seems like every cycle has a reason that 'it' should be 'the one'. This one should be it because... Because my due date would be Gracie's birthday... Because I'm ovulating on the same day we conceived Audrey... Because my dear friend Meredith ( http://pithydithy.blogspot.com ) just announced her long awaited pregnancy (and it looks like this one's going to stick!) and we lost babies in September of '04, so this would only make it all okay...

Nope.

Spot showed today. I was letting myself get all hopeful again. You know, because this should have been it. 'Cept it's not.

I'm so tired of it not being my turn. I'm hurt. Gracie is now asking about baby brothers and sisters. She keeps talking about her sister Audrey in Heaven. She was talking about it yesterday and had both her dad and I in tears at lunch yesterday.

I'm tired of crying because bad stuff happens. I want to cry for something good. I need a good cry. I need the kind that happens because you're happy and relieved and ready to start something new and exciting. I'm sick of being sad and unhappy.

I don't know what's next. I need a break.