Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


I've read before that there are no such things as coincidences. I often find myself seeing, hearing and reading things that make me think of something else and I wonder if it's coincidence, or if there's a reason. Maybe my subconscious has something to say or maybe there is someone out there trying to get a message to me.

Is it coincidence when I call a friend and they say that they've been thinking of me or vice versa? What about when I read something that reminds me of a dead family member or friend. Could it be that person saying hi and letting me know they think about me?

When Gracie left school, there were a few kids and teachers who got her gifts. She was given two books by a teacher and a friend. They were both written by women named Audrey. I found that so odd. It's really not a super common name. Could it have been my sweet girl saying "HI!" to her sister and me?

I was thinking today about the lady who watched Gracie for me when I was working from home and pregnant with Audrey. She was an older woman who only had one living son and another child who was stillborn at about 33 weeks. She was Rh negative like me and we talked on many occasions about how fortunate I was that we had modern medicine on our side these days (yeah, I know...haha). I ended up letting her go a few weeks before Audrey was born because she started to get a little crazy with Gracie and I. She would often slip and call me her daughter and Gracie her granddaughter. She got really weird about my pregnancy and how she thought it didn't look right. How I didn't look pregnant "enough" and whatnot. She seemed like she was getting forgetful and generally confused. I wonder now if she knew something I didn't know. She stopped by the day I came home from the hospital after Audrey was born. Just dropped by. I made my brother answer the door and tell her not to come back. Is it possible that on some level she knew what was going to happen? Should I have been more attentive to what she was saying? I really just thought she was nuts at the time. Now? I don't know.

I think about the day I heard and saw the cockatiel at my office and how I instantly felt my grandmother with me. I felt her knowing that I was having a shit day and her knowledge of how that feels and comfort in her knowing.

Is it possible that these things really are people we love trying to communicate and make contact? I feel now that it has to be true and that I just have to pay attention or I might miss a message from someone I care about.


  • At 6:34 PM , Blogger Mary said...

    I can identify with your blog post on many levels. I don’t believe in coincidences or luck. I believe that everything does happen for a reason. I believe that one has to be open to communicating with loved ones who have passed. Found out that my husband had been offered his current job on what would have been my grandmother’s 86th birthday. It was no coincidence since it meant that we were going to be moving to the Oregon Coast one of my grandmother’s favorite place to visit and to find out after my husband being unemployed for almost six months. As soon as my husband told me the news that he had been offered a job I made sure to say “Thank You and Happy Birthday” to my grandma. Just before I arrived home to hear the good news I had been at the cemetery placing pink roses on her grave (her favorite color and flower). Keep your eyes, ears and heart open I believe that your daughter will continue to say “hello” to you and reassure you that she is okay.

  • At 2:10 PM , Blogger Jill said...

    Absolutely there are things that can't be explained that are not coincidence. Take it as it comes I guess:)


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