Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Anguish

Tonight Gracie had her first PA dance class. She's been dying to go. It's the one thing about Vegas that she's clearly missed. She's been coming out of her skin with excitement for a week.

We were about 10 minutes early. As we sat in the waiting area, other girls started trickling in. One girl (Gracie's age) came in with her baby sister in tow (Audrey's age). Gracie watched quietly as they played and talked. Then, as she sat curled in my lap, she looked up at me sadly and broke my heart.

She simply said..."Mommy, I miss my sister."

It's one thing for me to be sad. For me to miss Audrey. But Gracie misses her too. She's only just now old enough to begin to understand what she's missing. Today, it was very clear she gets it. She gets it and it's a punch in the gut for me to see her as sad as I am when I look at little sisters playing with their big sisters.

Sigh.

4 Comments:

  • At 8:08 PM , Blogger Catherine said...

    There are few people who understand this...and of all the people in the world, I'm so sorry that your Gracie (and my Sam) understand it.

     
  • At 5:39 AM , Blogger Sarah said...

    I'm so sorry that Gracie already gets it... and sorry for you to have to add her pain to yours.

    hugs

     
  • At 11:24 AM , Blogger kate said...

    I'm sorry. It really is so hard to watch our living children suffer with this. ((((((((hugs)))))))

     
  • At 9:38 PM , Blogger Samantha said...

    Oh this just broke my heart. I had such a visual. My 4 yr. old niece was obsessed with the arrival of my Makenzie. We aren't sure she gets it sometimes and then there are times when see wants to see her room and will go through the shower gifts(for the 50th time)and will say she is in heaven and that its sad. I just feel for their little hearts.

     

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