Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Crap, I just totally typed this whole positive post and then lost it. Crap, crap, crap.

As I was saying...

I was very worried when we started at the OB practice here that we would be lost in the maze. It's a very large practice with ten doctors and easily as many pysician's assistants. I was concerned that after having been with single-doctor practices with both the girls that I would be lost and forced to explain our history at every appointment.

My concerns were totally unfounded. I am happy to report that, to date, not one person has walked into an exam room to see me without having thoroughly reviewed my chart. They've all walked me through where we are at now, what the future holds and everything they're doing to keep us on track. It's been wonderful.

I don't know if I mentioned this here before, but we'll start steroid shots at 28 weeks to help mature CC's lungs and then do an amnio at 36 weeks. If the amnio is good, we deliver the next day. It's looking like we'll have (we hope) a birthday around September 21.

Yesterday's appointment went well. CC's heart rate was good, 155 bpm. The rest is fine, even if my weight has finally started to catch up. I'm up about 6 pounds. Not bad at almost 16 weeks I guess. Still, hard not to notice and panic a little even though I've decided to try and enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can even if it means I gain 50 pounds. I guess I'll take up jogging and Weight Watchers. Can't be helped. The morning sickness seems to have eased and I at least feel human most of the day.

I'm looking forward to the Level II on May 22. Trying to take the time in small chunks. We have a short trip planned for my nephew's graduation in Atlanta from May 12-15, the ultrasound when we got back. Then, we have vacation to North Carolina May 26 - June 2 and then the fetal echo on June 11. Small steps.

Gracie has decided that she has a sister in my tummy and her name will be Juliana. I actually kind of like the name, but we'll see. I think we will give Gracie the chance to help pick out names since she seems to have an opinion. I'm not sold that it's a girl, but could be.

I'm missing my sweet Audrey quite a lot. Someone asked me yesterday how many kids we have and I was too tired to get into it and said one and one on the way. I feel so bad. I have only done that a handful of times. It just doesn't feel right to deny Audrey is part of our family for the sake of sparing the explanation or the feelings of others, but from time to time I get caught in a moment when *I* don't have the enegergy to deal with it. I need to be stronger for my girl.


  • At 2:01 PM , Blogger formerteacher said...

    Don't beat yourself up about not mentioning Audrey to every one. Audrey and her death is a very personal subject for you. It is only natural to not want to explain her story to every stranger you meet. If a person becomes more like a friend, then I agree that you should include Audrey, but short of that, it's understandable not to want to.

    Want me to share a secret with you? Sometimes I don't tell people my mom is dead. I talk about her in the first person, and sometimes I just don't want to deal with people and their "Oh, I'm sorry's.", you know? It's like I have to comfort them because they don't know what to say. Like you, sometimes I just don't have the energy. And this does not take away from my mother's memory. On the contrary, I believe she'd understand. I bet Audrey would too.

  • At 2:57 PM , Blogger Kathy McC said...

    I have nothing witty to say. Just wanted to give big (((hugs))) and let you know that I am SO happy that all is well. Can't wait to shop together next week!

  • At 9:53 PM , Blogger Ruby said...

    I wish they had a 'recover the post you just lost' button.

    I don't tell everyone about my daughter either.

    I feel her existence was to intimate and special to share with just anyone. Though sometimes I'll tell a stranger, I usually don't tell people until I think they earn knowing about her.


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