Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Rumors of my death have been (only slightly) exaggerated

Time flies.

I miss my little buddy like crazy, but now that he's gone, I realize how much energy went into keeping him well and how miserable he probably was while we tried. Funny how hindsight works like that.

We've been crazy here. we went for a last ditch to see my crazy grandmother. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that she is not the cute, sweet, funny kind of crazy. She's the mean, lying, stealing, ugly kind of crazy. I thought I should make a trip for one last time to see her because she's getting up there and, well, part of me hoped she might be a little more human.


I give you this little gem relayed to me by my great-aunt as she discussed my struggle with infertility and the loss of Audrey and my grandmother finding out that we were doing IVF..."You know, God will never let Michelle ever get pregnant again because of how she acted when Audrey died."

That part about "...when Audrey died..." She was talking about how she happened to be at my house when it all went down and I let my uncle take her away because she went on and on about how God took my baby for his own reasons and he needed another angel and all that horseshit. And because I lost my shit when she tried to clean Audrey's room out before I came home from the hospital. She went on about it for DAYS until I was at my wits end with it and my uncle, my wonderful, loving uncle shipped her ass home.

So that is the story of why I would never get pregnant again. Because I grieved the loss of my daughter.

HAH! Fooled her didn't we!

So, yeah. Batshit crazy, that woman. I didn't even tell you about the crazy shit she pulled when I was a kid and the crazier shit she pulled when my mom was a kid. We could write a book.

Nat's 7 months old. I can't even believe it. She so great. I am so lucky. She's teeny still. Just over 14 pounds and 25 1/2 inches long. 3rd percentile for weight and 8th for height. Still my peanut.

Gracie just lost her first tooth. Which is great, but funnier that my aunt was here when it happened and taught Gracie all about the International Tooth Fairy. And how her papa in Malaysia knew him personally. I'm afraid that little bit of wisdom is going to cost papa in some teeth for YEARS to come. We thought it was damn funny here though. Papa? Mmmm, not so much.

So, who's the nutjob in YOUR family? Someone make me feel normal. We all have them, right? Right?


  • At 1:06 PM , Blogger Catherine said...

    My brother likes to point out that our branch of the family tree turned out to be the most normal...who'd have thought? lol. So yeah...loads of batshit crazy in our family. We just stay far away from them and hope they don't call us for anything.

  • At 2:16 PM , Blogger The Cartoonist's Wife said...

    Dear MB, I'd have to write a book myself. A series, actually. Volumes 1-3 would be devoted solely to my sister-in-law.

  • At 4:30 PM , Blogger Rachel said...

    I have a crazy grandpa and mom.

    Sorry about your grandma and her comments.

  • At 7:22 PM , Blogger pithydithy said...

    My mother-in-law thinks water has feelings and that you pollute it if you talk bad in front of it.

    I wish I were kidding....

    Hugs, hon.

  • At 8:45 AM , Blogger kate said...

    My mother. Bitter, mean crazy. I'd rather not even talk about it. Yes, every family has them.

  • At 12:57 PM , Blogger Gayle said...

    In our family, its my SIL. Fortunately my husband won't have anything to do with her, and we only hear of her antics second=hand.

  • At 1:49 PM , Blogger Final Score: Girls 3, Boys 0 said...

    My mother is the nutjob. I have worked my ass off to fight the faulty wiring she gave me in order to give my kids a normal life.

    Every family has one. Sorry your grandma was so crass.

  • At 10:28 AM , Blogger KC said...

    I just clicked on this from Catherine's blog. I am so sorry about your grandmother's comments and actions and sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my first child in 2005 and my mother told me it was my fault when I called her sobbing. She said I must have done something wrong because no one loses a baby after the first trimester. She wrote me a 5 page letter 3 weeks later on all the reasons how she thought I killed my first child. We have not spoken since. My sister has tried to get through to her so now she has pulled away from her too because she is mad that my sister won't take her side. I like my sister's comment to her "Are you going to take this to your grave and then come back and try to apologize as a ghost?"

  • At 11:43 AM , Blogger JMB said...

    Hmmm, crazies in the family:
    *uncle who is hiding out in Montana to "get away from the commies." Nice enough guy, but Vietnam was not kind to him
    *SIL-Husband's oldest sister has managed to marry/live with two child molesters (who victimized both of her kids, multiple times), and is now going to marry someone that she has known for two months. Thank God the kids are old enough to be able to get away. I hope.

    I'm sorry that your grandmother was so awful at a time when you needed her the most. That shouldn't happen to anyone. Nat sure is one cute "you were wrong!"

  • At 7:23 PM , Blogger niobe said...

    Somehow the death of a baby seems to bring out the worst in so many people.

  • At 2:56 PM , Blogger Stefanie said...

    Gawd, your baby is 14 pounds at 7 months? that sounds good to me. Sadie's only 10 pounds and closing in on 7 months. I'd love 3rd percentile.

    In answer to your question, my mother and stepfather plus my biological father are/were all assholes. Yeah, I said it. My mother lives 10 minutes from me and has never seen my twins. After I had my daughter she told me I probably shouldn't have anymore children because it would be too much for me. Oh yeah. She also told me she "couldn't understand why anyone would want me to write a book." She's a peach that one.


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