Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Don't Know

I don't know what I feel right now. The last few days have been a blur of playgroups and work.

We went to the park for playgroup yesterday. It was a beautiful day. Gracie and I were the first there. I was in a great mood until one particularly insensitive mother (who I don't really care too much for anyway) came waltzing up and announced that you could tell we were the last ones in the group without new babies because we were the first ones there. Bitch. It was all I could do not to do physical harm to her. I was really pissed. I'm still really pissed. Insensitive rag.

The next mom who arrived was one who announced last week that she was pregnant again. She had a miscarriage earlier this week. I feel really bad because when she announced it I was really angry and jealous. It was just such a slap in the face with everything I was hoping for last week. I felt awful when I got the e-mail that she had lost the baby. I know thoughts like that are normal, but they aren't supposed to come true. Maybe I redeemed myself a bit yesterday. She was off crying in the corner and I got to go over and console her a bit. I think she felt better knowing that I was surviving after losing Audrey. Maybe she felt that if I made it, she would too. I hope so. It was my silent attempt at making up for wishing bad things on her.

Today was a marathon morning meeting that lasted until after one. Ugh. Poor Gracie. At least she has fun playing at B's. She was no worse for the wear. Tired though...

This should be a fun weekend. B and the girls are coming over for a slumber party tomorrow. Her dh is doing some Nascar crap at her house and mine is at his mother's. Girl's weekend. Should be fun.

I'm trying to finish up laundry before bed.

I'm glad this week is over.


  • At 1:39 PM , Blogger Holly Golightly said...

    MB -
    I think it's great that you were able to use your pain to help someone else. I keep wondering what to do with my pain. Not hoping to meet another mom in the same situation. Like you, I would never SERIOUSLY wish this on anyone. It sucks that other moms aren't sensitive to your situation by saying such comments about being new moms. Is that really necessary?


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