Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Monday, May 23, 2005


I was out with a friend the other day and we were joking about my body. I made a joke about my big boobs and said that after having two kids I had earned them. His response was "Well, I guess technically you have had two kids."

WTF!??! "technically" nothing! I HAVE had TWO kids. What the hell was he thinking??!! That's when I almost killed him. I totally shut down after that. Do other people (read: insensitive people) really think that way? Do they question how many children we have?

I've wrestled with the question we all get asked several times lately. You're out, minding your own business and suddenly someone asks "How many kids do you have?" I've answered well, we have two. Gracie and a daughter who was still born. That one is usually met with a very uncomfortable silence and a change of subject. Then, I've tried just saying one and then I feel miserably guilty. There really is no good way to answer that. Ugh.

It's only 4:30 AM here. I have no idea what I'm doing up. I was just lying in bed staring at the ceiling so I got up. I had to use the temperature corrector on FF. I hope that doesn't screw my chart up. Regardless, my temp is up this morning, so whenever O might have hit (I think Saturday) I think that part is over. Now I wait.

Technically. Fucker. I should have kicked his ass.


  • At 12:02 PM , Anonymous amber said...

    Some people just don't understand the impact of careless words. I am sorry, darlin'.

  • At 3:12 PM , Blogger vixanne wigg said...

    That's like the girl who wrote that message I posted on my blog. She put "birth" in quotation marks, as though as woman doesn't actually give birth when she delivers after her child has died.

    My "friend" M said of course I could use the name Charlie again because my baby was never born.

    I just think it takes a really sensitive person to get it if he or she hasn't been there. I totally would have slugged that guy.

  • At 3:45 PM , Anonymous Dena said...

    Michelle....I feel so bad for you......I am surprised you did not write that you were out with a "former friend" insensitive. BTW... you should have beat the crap out of him....Dena

  • At 5:42 PM , Blogger Julie said...

    WTF is WRONG with people? "Technically"???? I am just so sick of it being too much to ask for people to show our babies the RESPECT they deserve!

    I too get the "how many" questions. I guess I decide on how I answer on a case by case basis. It's just so hard to deal with that LOOK you get when you say your child was stillborn (try saying died at birth, it doesn't get AS BAD of a reaction) I don't know why we worry so much about making OTHER people uncomfortable for a few minutes when WE are the ones living without our children. But then if you don't mention your child, you feel like you have betrayed them in some way. I am SURE they understand, but still, guilt is a tricky thing.

    Want ME to slug him??

  • At 6:21 PM , Anonymous Marci said...

    WOW! I would have hit him! I understand about the guilt of not telling about your baby and then when you do say something then You are looked at you are a freakin idiot. One time a lady asked me at DS ball game if I only had 2 children I answered yes only two my DD came unglued she sat there and said remember mom you have three children one is in heaven. My heart was broken because she thought I had forgotten. When the real reason was I just didn't want to have to exlain again. So from then on I always answer 3 children And then If they ask where they are then i go into details. They can all go jump off a cliff if they don't like it!

  • At 8:25 AM , Anonymous KB said...

    so I guess "technically" that makes him a complete ass, huh? What a loser. What, does he figure Audrey doesn't count because she died?? That makes about as much sense as saying "technically" you have parents even if they are already gone. IDIOT.

    Tell ya what... when I come out, I'll TECHNICALLY explain it to him... sometime after I take my foot out of his ass.

    I don't think some people get it like moms do. Whether your child was here for years or whether you knew them only through the positive hpt, they are still our sons and daughters.... living human beings. So yeah, "technically" they exist.

    Now I'M mad at him for you!

  • At 9:13 PM , Blogger lauralu said...

    when i meet someone new who asks if we have children, i say, we have a son who died, which seems to work well enough.

    but when it's someone i know who says something dumb, it's so disappointing. if i like the person, i correct them. if i'm not invested in the person, i just look at them like they're an idiot. it makes people uncomfortable, and i like it.


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