Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Is this a test?

The fertility/pregnancy Gods are testing me. We had the baseline today and to our surprise, we found 20 (that's right, TWO-OH) immature follicles. That is more than twice what I had with the IVF cycle. WTF!!?? We have been given a choice. Continue with the FET and ignore the fact that my body is playing games with my head. Or, begin stims for a fresh IVF cycle.

Now, I've said before that I've wondered from the beginning if Ali was our guy. And I still do. I still really feel like he might be the one we were meant to have. But, do we look a gift horse in the mouth and pass up all these eggs? I mean, we could and we could have Ali and it would never matter. Or, we could use Ali, it might not work and then we have to do a fresh cycle because we've used our back-up. OOORRR, we could do a fresh cycle, have a bunch more (or none) to freeze and then still have Ali. I could go on.

We have to decide right away. I'd have to start stims tomorrow if that's the deal.

My heart says no. My head says be safe, you don't know how many chances you have. I mean, is it really possible that after all this time, my body has remembered what it is supposed to do every month? Why the vacation. The RE said from the beginning that stress had no bearing on whether you ovulate or how many eggs you produce. I don't know if I believe him I mean, this is the forst time in months that I don't feel the stress and pressure associated with trying to conceive. I was just prepared to toss out a line and hoped that we'd be able to bring Ali back with us.

My heart wants to keep on as if we had no idea how many eggs were in there. My heart says that Ali is our guy. Is that the right thing to do?

5 Comments:

  • At 4:15 AM , Blogger Jill said...

    What a horrible position to be in. As for the right thing to do? I guess people will only be able to share what they did in your situation - and I haven't been so I couldn't say.

    You have the whole safety in numbers thing with your follicles, but then you have the statistically higher success rate of FET. Playing the numbers would surely offset the better rate so you are left with a gut feeling to go on and not much else.

    Good luck with the decision. I don't envy you, especially with the pressure of a quick answer being required.

     
  • At 5:39 AM , Anonymous anissa said...

    That really sucks that your body is messing with you so bad. If I were in your shoes I would not pass up all of those eggs. But I am the kind of person that likes security. And having all of those eggs would make me feel a little secure.

    I know this is going to be hard for you to chose witch way to go. Best of luck what ever way you go.

     
  • At 7:01 AM , Anonymous rach said...

    I hate hate HATE the ttc thing. I hate it with a passion. I hate waiting for the time to test, I hate it all. I hate it. I HATE IT. The only thing I DON'T hate it doing the fun part. Otherwise, I hate it.

    I don't agree with your doc that stress can't cause you not to ovulate. Perfect, coming from a man.

    I don't know what I would do in your situation. I, like you, feel like Ali's your fighter. But to pass up those eggs...only you can make this decision. Which sucks...but I know you'll make the right one. I guess you have to look at all the scenarios and then go from there...

    Rach

     
  • At 12:41 PM , Blogger kati said...

    what a tough call indeed. I have to say I'm impressed with the number of eggs that were already visible. wow. Being who I am, I think I would regret not taking advantage of them. But there is something very appealing about going with one's heart. Very appealing.

    good luck with your decision.

     
  • At 2:53 PM , Anonymous rach said...

    something keeps telling me Ali Ali Ali...
    I am not getting something...so you could get the eggs and just have to wait a little longer to put Ali in the cozy ute? Is that what would happen?

    Rach

     

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