Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Judging and Being Judged

I went to play group this morning when I knew I should have stayed home. I woke up in a funk. My mood has not improved throughout the day.

The day started with trying to find a swimsuit because play group was at B's so we could all go in the pool. Normally I could give a shit what people think, but swimsuits are hard for everyone (right?). I have one that I bought this year and last year's is a maternity suit. I didn't want to wear the one I just bought because I need it for a party on Sunday. The maternity one is cute and you wouldn't really know it's a maternity suit unless I told you, but I know it is and that's all that counts (for purposes of this story anyway). So, I wore it.

As I was putting it on I was reminded of wearing it last year and that just brings back the flood of memories and emotions. Then, I'm reminded that I want to be pregnant now and all the emotions that go along with that issue. Then, there is the fact that I just feel frumpy and wearing a maternity suit when I'm not pregnant doesn't really help. But, Gracie needs to get out of the house and be around other kids, so I sucked it up and left.

I was there a touch early so B and I could visit before everyone arrived. That ended up making me feel worse. Gracie has been VERY clingy and I just don't know what to do about it. She literally will not leave my side and won't so much as look at anyone when I'm around. This isn't a totally recent thing, but it's gotten worse since we were on vacation. Well, B's daughter is one of those fabulous outgoing children who talks to anyone and smiles all the time (the flip side of that is when she has a tantrum, look the hell out. She turns into a demon). So, B quickly points out to me that I need to be more consistent with leaving her (B watches her for me when I have work to do) and that I need to get her in school so she can be forced to be social. I know all that. I agree. I just didn't need to be poked at today. I felt very judged. Just bummed me out more.

When everyone arrived, the mommies who just had babies in the last two weeks brought the new little ones so everyone could ooohhhh and aaaawww at them. I couldn't even look their direction. Usually I'm okay with it, but today that wasn't so. I just wanted to leave. Maybe I should have.

One of the new mommies is the one I mentioned in an earlier post who didn't take care of herself and it was really amazing her son made it. It was partially her fault he had so much trouble. Anyway, she has an older son (2 you) who is a holy terror. She does not discipline him AT ALL. He'll unlock the front door and leave, he crawls out the doggie door and opens the slider...He throws toys...The list goes on and she basically does little to curb his behavior. In short, she drives me insane.

Today the little shit opened the slider and was almost in the pool before anyone noticed he was gone (it wasn't even his mother who noticed). Then he started throwing toys. I nearly smacked him and yelled at her when one of them hit me. She knew I was pissed and said that he didn't mean it...Which is shit. He totally knew what he was doing. Then, Gracie has this little soft bodied baby that she adores, I left her inside so she wouldn't get wet. As we were leaving guess what was floating in the spa? Yep, Gracie's baby. I didn't even say goodbye. I just left. Maybe I won't be back. Maybe they don't want me back.

Ever have one of those days when you just knew you shouldn't have left the house? Me too...

9 Comments:

  • At 1:05 PM , Anonymous Amy W said...

    I have had days like that with my playgroup. I sometimes wonder why I even go back. I can so sympathize with what you went through today. Sorry to hear you had such a cruddy time.

     
  • At 1:07 PM , Blogger Zodiac Digital said...

    question: if you mix contraceptives, such as IUD with the pill with the female condom, does that increase its effectiveness?

    http://djxplicit.blogspot.com

     
  • At 1:24 PM , Blogger Mom said...

    I like the fact that you use initials instead of people’s actual names. I was told to fully get the ideas and feeling real names must be used? Do you see this to be true?

     
  • At 1:49 PM , Blogger Juno said...

    I made it a practice never to do the playdate thing with my own kids. I had no problem having other children over, it was the adults I couldn't abide.

    I am constantly amazed when I go into a store and a child is pitching a screaming tantrum while the mother strolls along or even buys them a toy. Or if I go to a bookstore and a kids tosses piles of books everywhere while the parent blissfully ignores them.

    My kids still tease me about the "mom look" I used to give them that cast terror into their little souls when they stepped over the line.

     
  • At 1:50 PM , Anonymous Marci said...

    Wow. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. My LC are older so I don't see a lot of tiny babies at their playgroups(Thank God!)....however I do see alot of little shit's! I don't understand why parents are afraid or maybe too lazy to discipline their kids. I hope that if you decide to go back, that mom will decide to become an effective parent and take care of her son!

     
  • At 4:36 PM , Blogger vixanne wigg said...

    Agh. This makes me think I will never ever join a "playgroup." Hmmm...maybe this is why I had so few friends as a child...my mother simply couldn't abide the stupidity.

     
  • At 8:00 PM , Anonymous Erin said...

    How irritating. The playgroup almost sounds like it's chaos you don't need right now. It seems like a recipe for distaster... Gracie will be fine not going to a school yet, and you'll know when both of you are ready for that anyway. I've never done any type of playgroup situation.
    And don't feel frumpy, you look great. I know!! I've seen you! Your a knockout!! LOL! Your one hot mommy!
    P.S. whats with the strange question/commments?

     
  • At 5:52 AM , Anonymous Generrik said...

    I am so sorry you had a stressful play date when you already were feeling so down. I would not blame you if you did not want to go back.

    I always thought I would want to join a play group but after your experience today I think I will re-think that idea.

    Take care of yourself and know there are people out there rooting for you!!

     
  • At 7:00 AM , Anonymous KB said...

    Ok, one more time... pick a weekend, pick a flight, and come for the weekend. Bring Gracie. Kids ALWAYS talk to me, she will too... not to mention certain other little boogers will make her. You don't have to wear a swimsuit at all if you don't want, I've got a bottle of kahlua and the liquor store is only 5 minutes from here, and they've got the neatest cat there.... Oh, and I promise my kids are reasonably well behaved... and I won't make you go see the praying hands or the Golden Driller... unless you want to, of course. Hahaha

    Sending big hugs to you. (((HUGS))).

    Just remember the rat. ;)

     

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