Baby Steps

I made an appointment with a therapist today. I called several...found one. January 10, 2006 at 8:00 AM. For now just me. I talked to another counsellor who asked what we were looking for and i didn't have a good answer. I explained where we've been and she suggested grief counselling first and then we'd go from there.

Jim & I had our little "Come to Jesus meeting" on Sunday. Wow. That was hard. We cried and laughed and yelled. Mostly, we cried. We're both angry and hurt. He's hurt that I'm so angry and distant and I'm angry and hurt that he won't (I know...can't) just fix it. I've never had the proverbial Knight in Shining Armor. I really wanted one this time, but no luck.

He says I'm a different person and my immediate reaction was "No Shit". As I think about that more I realize it's not really fair for me to put all of that on him. It's no more his fault than it is mine and why should he suffer the brunt of my anger just because he's closest. My usual reaction would be that he didn't make much effort either, but in his defense, I'm not exactly approachable most of the time. It's not his fault. It's mine.

I just feel like I don't know where to start. I need a break from my life.