The Old Bat

Some of you might remember some of the antics my mother-in-law has pulled over the years. She is by far the most negative, selfish and sometimes mean-spirited person I know. She literally thinks that the world revolves around her. It's always been that way for her. She was the only woman in a house of six. Her husband had her on a pedestal so high that no one could ever have reached her or knocked her down and anyone who tried had to suffer his wrath for doing so. In short, she's nuts.

Background~~~~~~

She's never had a relationship with any of her 10 grandkids. They all have memories of her being mean to them as kids. Their parents all have memories of things she did and said. All of that is very interesting to me because she was a mother tiger with her boys. I don't know that I fully understand that dynamic, but suffice it to say that no one interfered with her family when her boys were at home. I will say they all remember her as a tyrant. The Benevolent Dictator they called her. Even then much of what went on was about her.

Jim tells stories of birthday presents being returned to the store while he was in school, buying tampons for his mother at 13 (and the girl at the register happened to be the cutest girl in school), according to Jim's brothers, she had screaming and crying jags that sometimes resulted in things being pitched out of the second story window of their house. The funniest thing about all that is not only does it not scratch the surface of the shit she pulled, but until Jim & I married and he spent time with my family, he thought his family was totally normal. Crazy how that works.

Jim's dad was dying when I was pregnant with Gracie. Jim has always known that the relationship his parents has with the grandkids wasn't all that great, but he attributed that to the fact that the kids all live on the other side of the country and his parents were never great travelers. So while I was pregnant, Jim convinced himself that his dad was hanging on to see *his* daughter born. That knowing Jim's daughter was coming was somehow keeping his dad alive. Gracie was born on January 27, 2003 and his dad would enter hospice care the next week. We got permission from the pediatrician to travel with her and we were planning on going to see them so his dad could see and meet Gracie. Jim called his dad to say were were coming and he was told in no uncertain terms that we were not all to come. That only Jim was to come. Jim was crestfallen. It broke his heart that his daughter was born and he just wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but his dying father had no desire to meet her. He went alone and I was left with a week old baby by myself for the next 2 weeks. His dad died on February 24, 2003.

That began the real unrest between myself and Jim's mother. She had been nasty to me plenty of times before and his parents had certainly been very invasive in our relationship, but that was the beginning of the end for me. My three sisters-in-law spent 20 years of their marriages not saying anything to her about her attitude, but I was done. I very seldom let her off the hook anymore. She and I have had several knock-down drag outs that usually result in my packing our shit a fews days early and telling Jim he can stay, but the car leaves in an hour. God bless my husband, because he has never missed that departure. He always stands up for me. I love him for that.

and now back to our regularly scheduled program~~~~~~

So, this last weekend, the Old Bat pulled her last stunt on my watch. She spent the entire weekend alternately making one person or another cry (mostly the grand daughters as she seems to pick on them the most). I stayed away from her as much as possible, and tried to keep my mouth shut as much as possible, although I did let her have it from time to time.

Nothing is ever good enough. She won't pick where she wants to go eat, but you can bet she will bitch her head off about where we end up. She complained that the wedding site was too far away (30 minutes), she complained that it was too 'over the top' (it wasn't even close and it was such a beautiful place). She complained the music was too loud (hello...WEDDING RECEPTION!). From the time we got to the reception she was asking to leave. She sat at a table with her arms crossed pouting like a 5 year-old. It was unreal.

So, Gracie was an angel the entire trip except for when she was dragged off of the dance floor so we could take the Old Bat home so she wouldn't absolutely ruin the event for the Bride and Groom. Gracie cried (she's 3, it's allowed) on the walk to the car, but the sight of a couple of deer dried her tears pretty quickly given the circumstances.

The Cousins (who are all 19-26) doted on her in a huge way, the Aunts and Uncles did the same. Gracie was the center of attention and the Old Bat was having none of it.

She spent her weekend sequestering small groups of the 30 or so of us present and trying to tell them all how awful Gracie was. That she is a 'horrible brat', that if we don't get her behavior under control we are 'in for it'. She tried telling everyone what a terror she was and how we as parents were ruining her by letting her sleep with us...It went on and on. At various time throughout the weekend we had various family members come to us to report the Old Bat's antics.

By Sunday night, Jim & I had had it. Neither of us even came downstairs Monday morning to see her off to the airport. I told Jim that she would see my daughter once a year, if she was lucky. Through tears I told him and his brothers that I didn't understand why a 75 year old woman would be so nasty to an innocent child. That's what it all boils down to; she's nasty. She did it all because she wanted the attention that others were paying to Gracie. I'm done with her. She's still his Mother, but I'd be willing to be she sees him less now too.

I could tell stories that would curl your toes. She's just that crazy. But, I would just like to end it with this little tidbit. The Old Bat claims to be deathly allergic to animals. The funny thing is that she only has these reactions when she knows there have been animals present. There have been plenty of times when she was told there were no animals and magically there were no ill-affects.

I'm getting a cat. I'm naming her Insurance. Insurance that the Old Bat never comes to my house again.