BFN

That may or may not actually mean anything. FF says I oed at CD 10 which seems super early to me. KB thinks that it was more like CD 15 or 16. I have a little temp dip there that may be something. Who knows. I hate this. I said I was not going to test like a maniac like I did last month, but I broke down anyway. If I Oed at CD 10 I would be 11 DPO. Ugh.

I'm missing Audrey a lot lately. Not the break down and bawl agony that sometimes does still strike, but more like a dull ache in my chest that sometimes turns into that sick feeling in my stomach. Where does the time go? I hate that it seems like so long ago she was born and that my mom says she looked like Gracie but I have a hard time remembering that. I find myself sitting and thinking about that day more and more so I don't forget it all. I force myself to remember what it was like to have her in my belly. This time last year I had just found out she was coming. I guess the next few months will be filled with memeories of where I was when and how far I was in my pregnancy. Maybe those thoughts will never end. Maybe they will just change into "what would she be doing now"...

I hate what ifs.