So Confused

Never have gotten a positive OPK. At least, I don't think so. Ferning was totally gone in both of today's spit tests. It's CD 15. FF says tomorrow should be O day. I've gotten no signs that is really the case. Temp went down this morning. Honestly, it's been all over the board the last few days. I'm so lost. I really hate feeling like I have so little freaking control. I'm so not good at just waiting for the pieces to just magically fall into place. Does that ever really happen?

It seems like the more I pay attention, the less I understand. Maybe sometimes having too much information really is a bad thing. I feel like that sometimes. Like it';s really great to live in an age when we have so much knowledge right at our fingertips and then sometimes I feel like life was so much easier when I had no idea. Ignorance really is bliss. Truly.

Spent 10 hours with my boss today. Gracie was with B all day. I missed her so bad and now that we're home, I'm just exhausted. I feel terrible that she's in her room watching a movie when I haven't seen her all day, but my fuse is so short I'm no fun. Terrible mommy today, I guess. I have big plans for coloring eggs and stuff tomorrow, I hope that makes up for today.

Jim's off tomorrow but he's playing golf. He needs a mental break from work. Mental health day of sorts. Sometimes I feel bad for him and other days I want to knock his teeth out. He's been really sweet this week. I feel pretty grateful. Better than last week when he was in the doghouse.

I wish I had something really profound to say. I just don't life is just so blah right now. I want this part over with already.

Is it over yet??