Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The Wall Crumbles...Just a little

First, Julie. I'm so sorry. There are no words. I'm just so sorry.

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Still 5 or 6 follicles. Not sure yet if we'll trigger today or tomorrow. Dr. Baby Maker wanted to see today's blood before he tells me what to do. If we trigger today, retrieval is Sunday. If it's tomorrow, then Monday. I could use the day off of work.

As I sat in the little ultrasound room this morning waiting for Dr. Baby Maker to arrive, all I could do was think about how badly I want this to work. I started thinking about my less than ideal ovarian performance and started to freak out a little about what would happen if it didn't. I sat looking at an Anne Geddes picture on the wall (Why would a fertility clinic do that? Decorate with cutsie baby pictures? Isn't that a little tasteless? Don't they think we get enough of that? We have to have it rubbed in our faces?) and suddenly it hit me how sad I would be if there wasn't another baby running around our house. How sad will I be for Gracie if she can't have a sibling to share her life with? It's all so heart breaking.

I sat waiting for the doctor, crying a little and wondering what the outcome of all this would be. I hope it works. I want it to work. Hoping that Dr. Baby Maker lives up to his reputation (our clinic is like #6 in the country). I try to be tough for the doctors. I figure they see enough blubbering in their offices, I'll save them the trouble of dealing with mine too. Today wasn't that kind of a day. Maybe it's the hormones. Maybe it's just me. I don't know.

So, I wait until someone tells me to take the Bravelle tonight or to take the trigger. I honestly don't care which it is as long as the end result is good.

4 Comments:

  • At 3:15 PM , Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

    I HATE Anne Geddes. Well, I'm sure she's a nice lady, but her pictures give me the creeps. Always have, even before I got married or pregnant.

    When I was at the RE one day a woman with two kids came in. All of us waiting got noticeably uncomfortable. Fortunately I was called a few moments later nd then after that a woman from the waiting room was called in and she was bawling about the woman in there with her 'embarrassment of riches.' The nurse told me on the way out that yes, it's unusual to see women with kids in the office - being that most people come because they can't seem to have kids to begin with - but when they do someone invariably ends up in tears. So shame on your RE's office for the Anne Geddes. Some of us are NEVER in the mood.

     
  • At 3:38 PM , Blogger Jill said...

    According to my friend who has met Anne Geddes on several occasions, she is a thoroughly decent woman so I daresay she would be horrified to know her work has been used so inappropriately as an instrument of torture.

    Maybe some people are able to use those images as a way to focus on their goal while they have a platsic stick shoved up their hoo-has.

    But in any case, you are such a strong woman to be facing all you have faced with those kind of torments staring down at you.

    I'll be hoping for you all weekend that your eggs do the business and are ready to rock when they are retrieved. You WILL have a sibling for Gracie one day soon:)

     
  • At 12:00 PM , Anonymous kati said...

    best wishes for a successful retrieval, a successful transfer, and successful pregnancy!

    I'll be going down the IVF procedure for secondary infertility in January (or so it is planned). It sounds overwhelming, to say the least.
    My RE (who seems pretty caring otherwise) has a comic strip of a pregnant uterus on his ultrasound machine?! Makes me feel so much better when discussing the endometrioma that appeared on MY ultrasound picture...

     
  • At 8:42 PM , Blogger Julie said...

    I am hoping and praying with everything I have that this works for you. Gracie WILL have a sibling. Keeping my fingers crossed!

     

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