Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Number One for Number Three

Belated first birthday post for Natalie... Happy birthday big girl! I can't believe it's been one year. It's amazing to me how time goes by. I'm so proud to be your Mommy. Love you!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The ^%&^%*@ Neighbor... Again

I posted a while back (March-ish?) about our bitchy neighbor who complains about Rifle barking. Well, she's back. Only now, we've been introduced, I know it's her, she knows I know it's her, we've agreed that she will call if there are further issues and shame on me for thinking she would do that.

She came to my door last week and said it was the first time in "months" that she's heard him, went on and on about how she came home with a migraine and had to listen to him bark for 2 hours (from 3-5PM...she timed it) and that with her migraine she had to turn on her radio just to drown him out. Because you know, she had to keep her windows open because they have an old house that doesn't have central air or good insulation like our "big beautiful new house" (but she does have an in-ground pool and 8 acres of property...have have no pool and 3 acres, but who's counting).

She asked if we could do anything. I told her we had. We spent $2000 on training, we have a bark collar which I told her I used for one day, but quit because not only do I hate the idea of using it, but I WANT MY DOG TO BARK. I rarely leave him out unless it's a really nice day because he LOVES to be outside. He's a dog, they enjoy the outdoors. Crazy. He's never slept a night outside in his life. In fact, he's hardly ever been outside at night.

We have lots of wildlife that he tends to go nuts over (duh, he's a dog). AND, she and her husband stand on their porch and yell at him. You know, because the strangers yelling from the woods would keep him quiet. Morons.

Our neighbors up front tell us he hardly barks unless there's a reason. Last time she complained, there was a family of deer in our yard. These neighbors also told us that they yell at him from their yard.

We got another letter from the township saying that there's some other nuisance ordinance that we're violating along with the noise one. The lady was very nice and almost apologetic saying some people just have no tolerance and that we just have to try to curtail it. She suggested we leave him inside all the time, which I won't do. I sent her copies of his training papers so she had them for her file to prove we were doing something.

The irony here is that this neighbor works in the office from where the letters are written. She knows the process and that she can complain if she wants. She also knows that the next step (if the township can prove she has a problem, which I don't know how they do) is to take us to court and have us fined. So, I get the feeling that the lady at the township office is trying to pacify a bitchy co-worker. Township lady told me that she had a barking dog issue of her own once and she felt for me. That we have a grumpy neighbor and she knew how that felt. She was just doing her job.

My issue is, what do I do? I've heard from other neighbors that this lady is just a real pain in the ass. She showed up at my door last week asking me to understand, would I like to come over for wine, could we be friends...blah, blah, blah.... and then I get a certified letter. It pisses me off to no end. No one else says anything about what little he barks.

Do I write a letter back to the township and copy her outlining what we've done and the hours he's out and then keep a log of when he's out so I can prove, I don't know, something, if this gets uglier? I'm lost. I hate this. It makes me mad.

Can I call the township about the farmer in back whose cows moo all damn night? I wouldn't because we live in the country and I kind of like it, but holy crap. What the hell am I supposed to do?

I am not good at diplomacy.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Number Four for Number Two

Happy Birthday Audrey Girl. Wherever you are, we wish you were here. We'll send you your balloons when daddy gets home from work. Sister is making you cupcakes. And, the babies will get their flowers today too.

Four years. In the days and weeks and months after you were born, I never believed I would get to this place. I never believed I would get four years down the road. It just seemed like an eternity away. In some ways it is and in some ways it seems like yesterday.

Love you, Baby.


Thursday, September 04, 2008

The Feminism Sham

After struggling with quitting my job and hating the fact that I didn't feel like a good Mother, I wasn't sure what side of the feminism issue I fell on. Now, with the Sarah Palin drama and the old feminists trying to paint the picture that they want you to see by cherry-picking the parts of their cause they want you to see, I have to wonder still where I stand. I feel like someone has punched me in the gut.

Politics shouldn't matter in this case. What side of the aisle you follow is a non-issue. The media is trying to paint a picture of this woman that is unfair. Feminists have long said that what a woman chooses to do with her career and how she raises her family is no one's business but her own. So why now are they raising these concerns? Because the candidate they wanted didn't make it? I thought their cause was supporting women.

I can't tell you how many often I was asked why I wouldn't vote for Hillary when she was in the running. Why? Didn't I support women? The answer was always simple for me. Yes, I am all for a woman being in that office. Absolutely, but it has to be the right woman. And, in my opinion, Hillary wasn't it.

Look, I'm not even saying Sarah is. I'm just pissed that the feminists who told me I had to vote for Hillary because she was a woman are now telling me NOT to vote for Sarah because she's got all these kids that need her. I shouldn't care if her morals and beliefs are worth a damn, I should only care that she's got these kids that need her. I wouldn't vote for Hillary because I don't believe that any woman who will allow her husband to behave the way Bill has behaved, who has affairs over and over and is so willing to not even hide it, is a woman I can feel good about. What does it say about her morals and values and her self-respect! Isn't that what feminism was (is) about? Self-respect?

I'm confused. I don't understand. No one says it better and more beautifully than MamaPop...

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


It's here. I don't know if it will be different or better or just September. It's bittersweet. This month brings so many birthdays. Friends, family, furry friends. This month brought me Audrey and this month brought me Natalie. Happy and sad and all of these emotions to wade through.

I guess we'll see.