Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

What a Great Suggestion!

Freecycle is awesome!

I posted an ad last night for the mattresses, my plants and my old computer monitor...OMG. That was about 10 PM last night, this morning...gone. So many e-mails. Wow!

Thank you for suggesting it! I have some other stuff that I was going to give to charity, but may go this route instead!


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Moving on Up, to the East Coast...Now with a pictures

Funny, I thought Minnesota would be cold for Thanksgiving. Not so much. Lowest we saw was the day before we left and before that temperatures hovered in the 50's. In my infinite wisdom, I shipped the cold weather things I brought on that trip directly to Pennsylvania so I didn't have to lug it back to Vegas only to lug it to PA in a week.

Real Smart.

It was 38 here today at noon. Low of 26 tonight. Cold. IT'S VEGAS PEOPLE! What gives?

Did I mention that I shipped our warm clothes? Right. So, anyway...

Thanksgiving was nice. We had ham. I missed the turkey. Seemed wrong for Turkey Day to not have turkey. Company was great. My Aunt is a blast. Gracie loved the attention and the dogs. THE DOGS! Two bull mastiffs. Four-hundred+ pounds of dog (divided by two, but still!)! They are such babies. What fun Gracie had with all that. I'll post pictures as soon as I get them off the camera.

The move drama has begun. Jim won't be coming home again from PA, so it's all on me. I have a 5 page list, and one would think I'd be freaking the hell out. Not really. I'm relieved. No Jim to fight about what hits the trash and doesn't make the move. I either blame the movers or remind him he could have come home to help. There will be nice people here to pack us and load the truck, so all I have to do is make sure the boxes get labeled so I don't end up unpacking things I intend to have future residence in the basement. Sadly, that is a job in itself.

Well, there is the stuff that will lead up to the movers getting here. The unloading of all the crap that will either hit the curb on trash day or will go to the local women's shelter. Anyone know I how I dispose of old mattresses that doesn't involve me getting them in a truck we don't have and making a trip to the dump? I know Goodwill won't take them. Are there charities who will? I have a king and a queen as well as their respective box springs. I assume the trash truck won't take them on trash day.

Um, so yeah, I have a lot to get done, but you know, it's good. I'm happy to do it. Busy is good.

Moving on up.

**Edited to add picture (I tried to add several, but Blogger has attitude)**

Friday, November 17, 2006


I said at the beginning of this transfer process that I wanted to drive to the new house because I didn't want to deal with what it would take to get Audrey and her things on a plane (her box is considered human remains and requires some paperwork to be completed in order to take her out of the state. I figured if we drove, I could avoid all that). As it turns out, and as the time draws closer for us to make said drive, 2400 miles in the car with a dog and a three-year old, is a very daunting task.

We made one-way plane reservations last night for all of us and the dog for under $300.

We still have to deal with getting Audrey's paperwork filed, but Jim (God love him) has agreed to handle all of it because it requires a trip to the funeral home and I have never been able to go there. In fact, I can barely even drive by. When she was brought there from the hospital, Jim handled it all. It is the time when I loved him the most in our life. He was so strong and protective. He specifically forbade me from going there to deal with forms and picking out urns. He made all of the decisions and he did beautifully. I couldn't be more grateful.

So, there is no more drama about trying to plan a cross-country drive in winter. No more worries about where we'll stay or what route we'll take. No more worrying that we may just drive eachother nuts before we got to the new house.

For now, peace.

(but ask me on the 4th when the packers show up)

**Edited to add**

As we were trying to make all of these plans last night, we found ourselves franitcally trying to find the folder from the funeral home that contained the form we had to fill out for taking Audrey oiut of state. I was on the verge of meltdown and started to cry. As we found the folder, Jim looked at me and said "It just doesn't get any easier, does it." I thought about it and just said "No, it doesn't get easier, you just learn to ignore it for longer and longer periods of time."

I think that's it. It never gets easier. It gets easier to ignore it for a while, but eventually, it all comes back and the pain is there as if it never left.

Friday, November 10, 2006



(but ask me how I feel when my very own checking account is empty and I have to start using the "family" account and being more careful about what I spend) (or don't ask, that would be better. I'm in a happy place now)

A Little Warning, Huh?!

I love Grey's Anatomy.

Unit last night.

There was a scene where a pregnant woman was brought in after falling the shower and breaking an arm. An ultrasound goes on to reveal her baby is dead. There's the obvious anguish delivering that news involves and then follwed by a scene where the woman is giving birth to the baby.

It was awful. I cried for an hour after that and didn't sleep a wink last night. I didn't deliver Audrey naturally the way the scene showed, but I remember all too well the silence in the operating room where cries of a newborn should have been. I remember hearing my own screams and my husband's sobs. I watched the scene in Grey's last night and relived it all in painful detail.

I would have preferred a little warning. I was totally off guard even though when they showed the ultrasound screen and there was no heartbeat, I knew what was going to happen with that storyline. Part of me was grateful that they really did try to show what that horrible situation can be. What it should be but isn't.

I don't like surprises. I guess I could have turned it off. I probably should have. I couldn't and didn't.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

What to say...

No idea what to say at the moment, but I feel like I should put something out there.

Things are still nutty. Shocking, I know.

My last day of work is Friday (!). I amost can't believe it. I have so much to do next week. We leave for my Aunt's for Thanksgiving on the 20th. Off to lovely Minnesota for Thanksgiving. When she called the other day it was 9 degrees. Yes, I said nine. WTF was I thinking?

Jim is going to his brother's house in Chicago for the holiday. It's typical for Thanksgiving that he goes with his mom. You know, because she's a whiny bitch and because I try to be the bigger person and give in now and then. Besides, the alternative is that we both go and that ain't happening. I've had my visit with her for the year and we all know how that went.

We get back on the 28th and the moving truck comes on the 5th. We drive to PA starting the 9th and it will no doubt take us forever. I think like 6 days. In the car. With a kid. And a dog.

Pray for me.

As soon as we get to the new house and get (somewhat) settled, Gracie and I are driving to my mom's for Christmas. You know, cuz I'm smart like that. Nothing like a 2 day drive on the heels of a 6 day drive.

Why am I so stupid?

Friday, November 03, 2006


11 retrieved
8 mature
8 embryos

I'm happy.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Being a Homeowner Bites

No fertilization report yet.

That's only one of many things that are frustrating the crap out of me at the moment.

The top of the list is that we have had two agents call this week and schedule showings of our house only to cancel and then not reschedule. It's seriously pissing me off. We finally get a couple of people who want to come through and they totally flake out. Crap.

I'd love to make this move and be under contract already. I am hoping that will happen, but also know it's just not bloody likely.

Why did I say I would work until the 10th? Not one of my smarter moves. I have already checked out in my head. I need to be finished. I want to clean out my cabinets and drawers and get some crap out for charity before Jim is back and realizes what I've gotten rid of...

Anyone know anything about document destruction services? I have like 10 boxes of crap in my garag that need to be shredded and I am not sitting at the shredder for the next 10 years doing it. I knwo businesses have it done, do any of them service residential too?

I'll post again as soon as I hear from the RE.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Retrieval over. Got 11 eggs. I don't have a fertilization report yet but will update when I do.

The best part is that there was no puking this time. First time ever I've had general and didn't wake up and spend the rest of the day puking. Get this...I had Chinese like 2 hours after the procedure! I proceeded to sleep the rest of the day away.

Thanks for all your well wishes guys. Dare I say they worked?! I think they did...