Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Newsflash: Hell has frozen over!

We sold the Vegas house.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


You'd think I'd learn not to say how wonderful everything is.

Nat is teething. TEETHING people. At FOUR MONTHS! Not one tooth either. She literally has like FOUR coming in right now. One has popped through already and there are at least two more behind it. Holy hell. Poor girl. She's a spitty, cranky monster at the moment.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


I ordered myself a wheelchair today. I was actually excited. A wheelchair means freedom for me. I can stay out longer, I can roam the house, I can carry things, I can chase after the dogs when they run off...freedom.

How sad. I'm 33 and I am excited about my new wheelchair.

Another x-ray tomorrow. I was so excited for 2008. It meant fewer trips to the doctor, fewer procedures, fewer people worrying about how I was feeling and how I was coping. Pffft. So much for that.

I hope the x-ray still shows that things are aligned as they should be. I hope the one spot that was the nastiest is less nasty. I hope the next 10 weeks goes by faster than the last 2. I hope that I get better in this damn wheechair or I'm going to need to paint my freaking house from all the wall-bashing I've done chasing the damn dogs.

Monday, January 07, 2008


I am stuck. Totally bedridden and useless. My husband (God love him) has had his way with the house for 4 days and even my own mother won't tell me how bad the downstairs looks. My imagination runs wild. It cannot be good.

Thanks for your well-wishes. I hope at some point I am less useless and more mobile. I hope that I will get better on these damn crutches and able to negotiate my way further than the bathroom.

Natalie is less than interested in nursing since having had a bottle of formula (they have me narcotics at the hospital and I had no stored milk, so the kid had to eat). She's never been a baby who nursed for comfort. She's always been in it to get the job done and move on. Now, she's figured out that there is a way to get it much faster and that formula is more satisfying. My supply is already suffering and I am historically a shitty pumper. We may be done nursing and while part of me is okay with that as long as she's happy and well, another part of me is so very sad. Feeding my babies has always been something that I have selfishly not shared. I hate that we might be finished.

My mood isn't all as bad as this post makes it out to be. My mom is keeping my spirits up; it's always so good to have her here. I wish the circumstances were more fun.

I go back in tomorrow because I think I have a oressure sore developing inside my cast. I hope that will make the need for another visit on Wednesday null. We'll see. I don't think I'll need surgery. I think things are as good in there as they are going to get. I want to get this show on the road and get the healing done so I can move past this. I keep saying that 12 weeks is only one trimester and that was once such a drop in the bucket...


Friday, January 04, 2008

Because Murphy is an Asshole

So, remember that cake walk that 2008 was going to be? Yeah. Well, that was before I fell down the stairs yesterday. And broke my ankle in 3 places. Also, before the surgery I'm likely to have to have next week to put all my broken bits back together.

I was holding Nat, but I thankfully fell on my butt. So, she stayed in my arms, the problem was that my huge ass landed on my poor defenseless ankle. Not good.

So, after I looked down and saw that my foot was pointing in a way it shouldn't, I had to get myself and Nat off the stairs and too some sort of safety. Safety in this case was the dog bed because it was close and at my level...aka...the floor. I crawled to the phone to call Jim. He called 911 and got them on their way while a friend came to get Nat, all the while I am crying and moaning in agony waiting for them all to arrive.

Long story short, I got a ride in an ambulance while Nat got to learn how to drink formula from a bottle. Thankfully, her ordeal went better than mine. She's eating well while I get the narcotics they gave me yesterday flushed out of my system. I do not recommend realigning a joint without drugs...even though mine didn't work well at all. The drugs that is, the realigning went okay.

So, 3 fractures and a dislocation later, we came home to go to the Orthopede this morning. We are hoping that the cast stretching from my toes to my crotch will keep everything aligned well enough to make surgery unnecessary, but we're not holding our breath.

In short, it hurts like a mother f-er. My mom is on her way from the other side of the damn world. My husband is frantically trying to do everything he never has to do...including feed the kids, change diapers and get up in the night for feedings. Oh, and build giagantic casinos from the privacy of our living room.

Thank God for Jim. He's been amazing. Really. My hero.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Well, Am I Glad That's Over!

Holy hell, am I the only one happy to see 2007 go? I know Nat got here in 2007, but damn, I am still glad to see it done. Onward & upward.

We went to my crazy mother-in-law's for Christmas. What a joke. I thought when I told Jim we could go (WTF was I thinking anyway?), that it would make sense if we left early enough to come home on the 26th so Gracie could still have Santa come to her house. That was not one of my better plans.

We left on the 19th and came back on the 26th. We got to Philly at around 11pm, and by the time we got our luggage, it was after midnight on the 27th. We are an hour and a half from the airport and had promised Gracie that Santa was coming to PA that night. In short, Jim & I went to bed somewhere around 4am. That, of course, was after we got Gracie's gift together and under the trees and packed Nat's pack into the box to be returned because the assembly instruction were so ridiculous that we couldn't get it together right. Santa brought Nat her stocking stuff, but nothing else (piece of shit Kol*craft activity center that changes into a walker thingy. Good in theory). We'll have to make that up to her later...Good times.

The trip wasn't all that bad. I got to see my brother and his wife. We did some touristy stuff (Sea World & San Diego Wild Animal Park. OMG, the fires burned so, so much!). It was fun to hang out with them. I wish they were closer. I also got to see a friend from High School (Hi A, if you're reading...Happy New Year!) I didn't really have to spend much time with Crazy. That was nice. I will never do this again though. It made Christmas suck. Just totally not the same.

Natalie was awesome on the plane both ways. A total champ. She and I picked up a cold on the plane out there. I still have it. She seems to have kicked it already. Jim's just now coming down with it. Gracie seems to have avoided it (so far).

Somewhere in December, Natalie graduated to a size 2 diaper. Sniff, sniff.

Christmas Eve at San Clemete Pier
Typically, I am not one for New Year's resolutions. I know myself too well and know that I totally lack the discipline to keep up with them. I have made them this year and they are so typical that they make me want to puke. I am writing them here in hopes that it will keep me honest (HA!).
1 - Exercise and eat better. 3 times a week, I should be able to do that. Walk, a DVD, something. Anything. I need to get off my ass for the sake of my kids.
2 - Not so much a consumer. If I like a shirt or pair of shoes, I do not need to own them in every damn color! And, the kids do not need their closets filled to the gills.
3 - Be a better friend. Yes, the phone does work both ways.
Are you guys more creative than me? Cuz, seriously, it bugs me how pathetic those are.