Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Friday, May 29, 2009


I'm pregnant. For real. Who knew. There's really a baby in there. A baby that didn't require injections and ultrasounds and thousands of dollars to create. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around that one. It's still very, very surreal.

According to the dildocam today, I am 5 weeks 2 days. My due date is January 26, 2010. The day before Gracie's birthday. of course, I will delivery early, somewhere around the first week of January.

The best part is that I have given away every single baby item we have had as Nat grew out of it, so I literally have to start over. It's an excuse to go shopping. I suppose I'll get over that. All of my maternity clothes were summer, so I would have had to get all that again anyway. Again, shopping really breaks my heart, so bummer...NOT!

I posted in January about a lady down the street who lost her baby daughter Madison. Catherine made a bracelet for her that she wears everyday. She called me the other day and said she had "BIG NEWS"... You can guess what the "BIG NEWS" is. I'm over the moon for her. I'm also even more scared now. For both of us. She and I have the same due date. She said something along the lines of there being a plan somewhere that we would be pregnant together so I could help her through it. I hope the outcome is the best one for both of us. I hope.

At any rate, that's all I've got for the moment. More when things sink it a little more. You know, like in January.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Beta #3

1629 today. Doubling time of 1.6 days. I guess we have an overachiever on his/her way.

I know I haven't expressed much beyond surprise at this point. I don't really know what else to feel yet. It still seems very unreal. I don't know what to think. Ultrasound is on Friday. Ask me after that...

Thank you for all of your kind comments. They do mean a very lot to me.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Beta #2

73 on Tuesday, 187 today. Progesterone is normal. All is well. Next beta is Wednesday and an ultrasound on Friday.

I am still in shock and disbelief. I do not really understand how this is possible. It all seems very surreal. I go from thinking this can't be true to wondering how we will manage everyone's room and future to thinking it's all some weird mistake.

Maybe after the ulrasound I will feel like this may happen.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

4 weeks...ish

Okay, so since I have no idea what the hell my dates are (shut-up Meredith), I'm only guessing based on a range. I'm pretty sure my LMP was after we came home from Jamaica (April 10) and before Tax Day.

I saw the doctor yesterday. They had a good laugh at my expense. Especially when I answered the "What birth control were you using?" question with "Why would I need that?". You know, what a stupid idea that would be.

We did a was 73. Right on even for my date range. We repeat the betas until we get to 1500 and then do an ultrasound. Guessing that should be the end of next week.

After we get past that hurdle, we do the program the sam as last time.

Next beta is Friday. More then.

Monday, May 18, 2009


I'm pregnant.

*No mention of this at Facebook. I haven't told anyone yet... You know, except my husband and the whole fracking internet.