Discovering Me

Me on having babies, losing babies, trying to have babies and hoping to bring this one home.

Monday, August 31, 2009

So, I knew we were having a girl. Imean, after three, can you really expect anything else? I don't think so. Iam totally fine with it. Happy even. Iknow what girls are like, I knowhow those bits work. After seeing my nephew, I was scared todeath about learning what to do with boy-parts. This is good.

Jim is fine too. He makes a great girl-daddy. I think he may even make a better girl-daddy than he would have a boy-daddy. The Universe seemed toknow it too.

I'm starting to feel more consistent movement. It's great. I love that part. I wish the pukey part would end. Crap, I'm almost 19 weeks. You'd think it would be over. It is...mostly, but I still have moments.

Grace started first grade today. It seems surreal and normal all at once. I'm not sure how tht works, but it is what it is. They really do grow too fast.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mystery Solved

Daughter #4 is on her way. Everything looks like it's where it should be and working well. So far so good.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Where was I?

Oh, right. I suck. That's right.

So, I'm 15 weeks and a few days. This is really the part I hate most. I'm sick of feeling sick. I have gained about 10 pounds and I don't get the joy of feeling the baby move and it's too early to know boy or girl so Jim won't even discuss names yet.

Level II ultrasound is the 27th. So, I wait until then.

In the meantime, I ask myself how the hell am I going to manage this family. There are days now, with only Nat and Grace that I go to bed and feel like the world's worst mother. How many more of them will there be when I'm juggling a newborn?I'm seriously wondering WTF I was thinking way back when when I said "eh, one more would be cool." Could I have been more of an idiot?

I know, I know. I hear you alll yelling hatred at me for saying that because, yes, I know. I'm lucky. I'm grateful. We never thought this owuld happen after everythjing it took to get Natalie here. I am. But OMG...WTF am I going to do?

Here. Maybe this will make up for that last bit. Here, have this.

Nat on her first bike.